Joe Jonas Splits With Camilla Belle, Sobs Like An Actual Baby

Joe Jonas, Camille Belle, Joe Jonas Camille Belle split, Jonas BrothersLike everyone else, we were praying that Joe Jonas and Camilla Belle would get married and have kids.

We don’t want to see them happy, you understand. No, it’s because Joe Jonas and Camilla Belle have both got massive eyebrows and so their offspring would end up freakishly hairy, and we’d be allowed to chase it into the forest with pitchforks and torches as a result. But that dream is over – Joe Jonas and Camilla Belle have split up.

Still, Joe Jonas took the news like a man – a man who openly weeps at his own concerts. Video? Oh yes.

For the briefest moment of time recently, all the Jonas brothers were happy. They were all in blissful, non-sexual relationships with their dream girls – the littlest Jonas was together with Miley Cyrus, the rubbish older Jonas who looks like he was ordered to join the Jonas Brothers against his will by his parents had just got engaged to a hairdresser and Joe Jonas was hooked up with Camilla Belle, the girl from that rubbish caveman film that nobody saw.

But now it’s over. Joe Jonas and Camilla Belle – the poster couple for wild, uncontrollable eyebrows that closely resemble what we imagine Susan Boyle‘s pubes to be like – are no more. They’ve split up. They’re kaput.

What caused this heartbreaking love split? Was it Joe Jonas’ punishing workload? Were Camilla Belle’s eyebrows so big that they weighed down her head, giving her the preliminary stages of a grotesque humpback? Maybe we’ll never know. All we have for now is the statement given to Access Hollywood by Camilla Belle’s rep Brad Cafarelli:

?Yes, it?s true, they have broken up,? Brad Cafarelli told Access. However, the split was amicable and Jonas and Belle remain on good terms. ?There is no third party involved and they care deeply about each other and will remain friends,? Cafarelli added.

Cafarelli then conspicuously turned his back on reporters and started punching himself in the face, presumably because he never wanted to officially pass on non-details of the dating habits of D-list celebrities for a living and deep down he knows that his parents are disgusted with the career choices he’s made. Or at least that’s what we imagine Cafarelli did – it’s what we would have done in his situation, anyway.

But listen! The big news isn’t that Joe Jonas and Camilla Belle have split up – the big news is that afterwards, Joe Jonas couldn’t stop blubbering like some sort of emotionally immature namby-pamby wussbag during his concert. Look, there’s video…

Now, if you look very very closely at the video, you’ll see that Joe Jonas is crying. Alternatively if you play the video and close your eyes you’ll still see that Joe Jonas is crying because of the thousands of hormonal teenage girls shrieking “OH MY GOD! HE’S CRYING! HE’S CRYING! WEAUUUUUURGH! AaaaaaaaAAAAAAAGH! I CAN’T BREATHE!” Either way, you’ll be able to tell that Joe Jonas is crying.

Why is Joe Jonas crying? God knows – sure, he might have split up with his girlfriend, but he’s Joe Jonas, for God’s sake. The world is full of girls that he can take back to his hotel room and affectionately pat on the back while silently cursing that stupid bloody purity ring his management told him to wear. That boy needs to cowboy up.

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  1. Liz says

    Awwww….they broke up a while before that concert from what I heard, nobody knows for sure he’s crying about her and the loss of her eyebrows from his life. He’s a doll. Anyway’s he’s not a WUSS. Didn’t Rosey Grier teach us ANYTHING?! : I really think that says it all, don’t you?

  2. noel says

    i kind of feel bad for him. Just because he cried doesn’t make him A BABY! i wish guys were more emotional like JOE! why does every guy feel the need to put on this tough exterior!!!!!!!!! at least joe has a heart!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Emily. says

    How could you?
    I .. among with many other Jonas fans, agree that that is rude.

    We are most defiantly not amused,
    and we find this very offensive.

    It shows that Joe is a very open person to let all of his feelings like that out at a concert. Just imagine how hard it is for him at this difficult time. At least he isn’t hiding it all.

    Good day.

  4. Marissa says

    The whole eyebrow thing is really stupid!! All of joes fans love his brows!! I think that seeing him cry showed us all another side of joe, a side we needed to see. When they broke up it was a mutual thing but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t miss her, he has every right to cry!!! I love you Joe!!!!! Never stop rocking!!

    Love Marissa

  5. melanie says

    not to knock your hilarious writing, stuart, but i think once again the comments are funnier than your article.

  6. boomshackalacka says

    If Joe Jonas didn’t dump Taylor Swift the way he did maybe he would not have had all this bad karma coming to him. What goes around comes around. I’m sure Taylor cried too, now arrogant Joe knows what it feels like. Don’t feel sorry for him…he got what he deserved!!!

  7. Michelle says

    Seriously? A guy crying at his own concert is good because it shows that he has feelings and is man enough to show them? Get real, yes guys should show emotion, but not to the whole world! Seriously! It’s pretty sad…and all of you fans that are so glad about this emotional display, get a life, girls go through this all the time and at least have the decency to get support from friends, not a hormonal raging screaming crowd of teen girls. And yes, plenty of my guy friends do have emotions and willingly display them, in front of those who actually care about them, not those that stalk their lives through the internet. So get a grip. Joe Jonas is a wuss for crying on stage. It was completely not necessary and could have taken place somewhere private. Looks to me like he enjoys having his private life displayed, which means that he is a fame coveting wuss.
    And congrats to you Stuart Heritage, awesome article 😀
    Oh and Emily, I believe you meant to say “definitely” not “defiantly” which incidentally means rebelliously, so your statement doesn’t quite make sense. And apologies to all of those “we find this very offensive”, I’m so glad that Joe Jonas has so representatives.

  8. bella says

    Your an ass! I’m not a fan of them but a man with emotions is sexy and who ever wrote this is retarded because your only writing this because u don’t like the jonas brothers. Like I said I’m not a fan myself but why would u wast ur time writing this. Your really an ass.

  9. Julias says

    Wow, these Jonas Bros apologists are just as good as the Pattinson ones. The backlash! Nobody should cry in public, man or woman, what a disgrace! Unibrow cavegirl probably said enough is enough, I need to get some. End of story, good day. In the words of the great Frank Zappa, go cry on somebody else’s shoulder, brother.

  10. Michelle says

    Thanks, it’s nice to know I’m a retarded ass.
    And also, thanks for informing me that a 19 year old guy crying onstage is sexy, I didn’t know that.

  11. Gordon says

    Lmao This is so funny. Attention-whore numero uno Joe Jonas can’t seem to get enough of all the hormonal 10-15 year olds screaming his name. Camille probably broke up with him cause he didn’t put out. Hahahahaha how ironic.

  12. Simon Cowell says

    In my perspective, Joe Jonas crying is showing a positive side of him. He shows a side of sensitivity. At least he isn’t as cold, disgusting, or a cheater like some of your ex-boyfriends/boyfriend. Some of you people probably wish your ex-boyfriend shed tears for you but they are way too busy with your sister then to even consider you. Joe Jonas seems like a man with a gentle heart. If he cries, it makes him a real man to show it. Love is a crappy thing, it crumbles you into pieces and throw you around like confetti. Joe Jonas is quite hurt and heck, he seems like a pretty good guy.

  13. Jennifer says

    Yes okay, so Joe is probably a nice guy who had his heart crushed….that being said, this was HILARIOUS! Brilliant writing, lol! The description of the ridiculous tweens freaking out was so funny. Definitely was glad that this was the article that happened to come up when I searched for this video. Bravo!

  14. Marie says

    Congrats, you have really shown us who Joe Jonas really is. Big round of applause for you. And lets see, he cried. GASP!!! OH MY GOD, that must make him a wimp and a baby. And just because you cant keep your pants on for more than 5 minutes that must mean anyone with self control must be gay or lying.

    His eyebrows? Really? That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard. God get a life people.

  15. says

    who the hell would cry on stage he is acting like a baby hes rich he could just get a girl is less than a day

  16. Reality says

    Apparently Stuart Heritage has never looked at himself in a mirror. YIKES!!!!! What a Neanderthal! Obviously he wouldn’t understand the need for a purity ring in one’s life to resist temptation since no woman(with reasonably good eyesight) would put herself within 10 feet of that face. Stuart, stop taking out your frustrations on Joe Jonas. He’s got so much going for him that you simply don’t that it’s a pointless endeavor on your part. There are still plenty of opportunities for people – no matter how unattractive – to do more constructive things with their lives than gossip about people they are clearly envious of. Perhaps you could read to the blind, or volunteer at an animal shelter. You’re not likely to be rejected there, unless you display too much of your abrasive personality. Give it some thought if you can turn your mind away from your self-loathing and bitter rants against the aesthetically fortunate.

  17. Sophia says

    You, sir, piss me off. I’m not a huge Jonas fan, but this shows that he’s HUMAN. He has every right to cry. It shows that he can be somebody else for once, and it shows that he can be a guy who’s NOT AFRAID TO SHOW HIS FEELINGS. Must you be so one-minded? Are you saying that every guy that cries out there is a wuss? Just because you’re scared to cry in public doesn’t mean that he has to be too.

    And seriously? “…while silently cursing that stupid bloody purity ring his management told him to wear”?? I wear a purity ring, and it’s not because somebody told me to, it’s because I WANTED TO. It’s because my religion is IMPORTANT to me. You think he doesn’t get take his ring seriously? GROW UP, and grow some of your own eyebrows while you’re at it.

  18. kelcy Bales says

    he has the right to cry over her i am one of the Jonas fans i don’t like the comant that you mad

  19. V says

    Agreed. No one should cry in public. If I saw a girl crying in public I would think she was a twat and/ or attention seeking. And a guy crying is def not attractive to any woman who hasn’t artificially apropriated all of her turnons from what girls magazines targetted at 12-15 year olds say is attractive. If you are over five years old you must have some control over your emotions and some sense of embarassment about revealing your weaknesses publically.

  20. Briiarnaa says

    Okay, i LOVE the jonas brothers
    and i do think this was a little mean
    but to tell you the truth, i nearly
    had a heart attack with the sudden outburst
    of laughter that took over as soon as i read
    this. it was extrreeemmmeellyyyyy funnyy
    no matter HOW mean it actually was.

  21. tori mcdonald says

    joe is an awsome guy and he so not a baby if i was him i would be happy to show my emotions

  22. kayly says

    i agree i’m a jonas fan and i coulnt have said it better myself!
    Joe’s only human and forgive me for thinking thats all he can be!

  23. jonasluver says

    I would just like to say you have no right to say stuff about Joe JOnas. He is so not a baby! He’s an amazing person and any gurl would be extememy lucky to have him. I was shocked at first but then started crying. I am a HUGE Jonas Brothers fan and I can’t stand if someone says shit about them. (cough** you cough**)lol. anyways as I was saying I really dont like Camille Belle right now but shes like whatever to me. Forget the damn purity rings. It’s who they are ! Those purity rings show that they aren’t players and they respect women. Maybe this is why they have millions of girls throwing themselves at the boys. All in all, i think it would be in their best interest if people on the internet would stop posting crap thats not even true !! None of us know the actual story. Peace. Love. Jonas brothers. I <3 Joe.

  24. Erica says

    I completely agree with jonaslover. Peace. Love. Jonas Brothers. Joe has all the right in the world to cry on stage, and it proves to the entire world that he is a man with sensitivity. That is something EVERY woman in the world loves and looks for in a man, unless all they want to to bang them. And screw the purity rings, Joe, Nick, and Kevin wear them because they chose to, not because their managment who BY THE WAY IS THEIR DAD told them too. A father would never forse that apon their son. Stuart you really need to get a life, grow some eyebrows, and come out of the closet for all I care. But good job on making Camilla Belle sound even more of a slut than she is. And when you said their was no third-party involved, thats a complete lie. Joe was cheated on by Camilla, by some hot tennis player. HOEMILLA got dumped by Joe when he found out, but Joe didn’t want to dump her, but he had too. Joe knows whats right, even if it’s painful. Joe, if you ever read this, your one of the best guys ever and all your fans LOVE YOU for having a sensitive side. But don’t try to pass it of as “being overwhelmed by the mass of the croud” its just a lie. Peace. Love. Jonas.

  25. Clair W says

    Well! At least I saw joe crying it was worth reading this page but joe dumped Taylor
    To get camilla as the girl for the love bug video joe u should kind of be ashammed of ur self
    I’m not telling camilla isn’t right for you but u were kind of harsh on her joe
    Oh and get over ur self.

  26. Toack says

    When you have a heart, you cry.

    When you need to sell an stereotyped display of yourself in front of a bunch of people just to make your bank account grow bigger, you cry in a concert.

  27. Marisa says

    Stuart, you are a total ass hole! I mean have some respect for God’s sake! You are just jelous because he is better looking than you could ever dream of being. I bet there’s waaaay more things about you that I could make fun of besides your eyebrows. And its not like you’ve never cried before. So at least, unlike you, Joe has a heart. Therefore, I cannot tell you enough how much of an ass hole you are.

    Get a life bitch.

  28. Louisa says

    I thought this was a really great way to put it. But then i saw your name.. i laughed so hard