Jodie Foster’s Stalker Doesn’t Get To Blow Up Those Airports

Jodie Foster Stalker Airports Bomb Blow Up Michael SmegalStalkers, it's time to raise your game – boxes of dead flowers and jizz-covered photos just won't cut it anymore, not now that Jodie Foster's stalker wants to blow up some airports.

OK, before we get too ahead of ourselves, let's make it clear that the man in question is only Jodie Foster's alleged stalker and that he's only been arrested on suspicion of threatening to blow up just one airport in a handwritten letter.

But either way, Jodie Foster gets all the luck, doesn't she. Never mind blowing up an airports, we'd be happy enough if someone just wanted to trump in a monkey's eye to prove their love for us.

Sometimes you just need Jodie Foster to show you how things are supposed to be done. Not all things, admittedly, just how to be a lesbian and scoring yourselves some top-grade wicked creepy stalkers. But that's enough for now.

Because in that last field alone Jodie Foster is world-class. Forget about throwing rocks into people's gardens or mailing lavender-coloured sex aids to prove that you like someone, when Jodie Foster gets a stalker they'll literally shoot the president of America in the stomach to prove it. That's what happened in 1981 when John Hinckley Jr tried to assassinate Ronald Regan in a bid to impress Jodie Foster, anyway. Flowers would have probably been more appropriate in hindsight.

And if one deranged stalker wasn't enough, it looks as if Jodie Foster has got another one. A man named Michael Smegal was yesterday arrested and charged with mailing a bomb threat – he too once had a thing for Jodie Foster as eFluxMedia reports:

Smegal had sent a hand-written letter to Van Nuys Airport and other local airports containing bomb threats, as well as references to Academy Award-winning actress Jodie Foster. Federal prosecutors said it was very similar to about 100 other letters mailed to people in the Los Angeles area since September 2007.  According to an affidavit by Boston FBI agent Joseph H. Altman, the letter that led to Smegal’s arrest yesterday had been addressed to Van Nuys Airport on Dec. 6; a single sheet of paper was found in the envelope which bore no return address, with the hand-written message “Jodie Foster S” and “going to be a gas bomb this building,” the Globe reports.

Why did Michael Smegal want to blow up an airport? Simple, according to an alleged confession it was because he though that the Screen Actors Guild had offices there, and he wanted to punish it for disparaging remarks it had apparently made about Jodie Foster. 

Now he's been arrested, though, Michael Smegal faces 10 years in jail. It's thought that threatening to bomb an airport only carries a maximum sentence of 18 months in jail, but having more than a small amount of passing professional respect for Jodie Foster carries and eight and a half-year sentence, so it all adds up.

But, really, who knew that Jodie Foster had such a furiously obsessive fanbase? To be honest we're a little scared of posting anything disparaging about Jodie Foster now, in case she has a secret third nutty stalker stashed away somewhere. So, for the record, we liked Jodie Foster in Silence Of The Lambs. And Panic Room. And Inside Man. And The Br… The Bra.. The Br… no, we can't do it. The Brave One was a bag of old cocks. Please don't bomb us, loopy Jodie Foster fans.

Read more:

Alleged Stalker of Jodie Foster Arrested for Bomb Threat – eFluxMedia