Joan Rivers Binned From Red Carpet Bitchathon

People don't watch awards shows to see any actual awards being given out - they watch awards shows so that they can see an elderly woman with facial skin tighter than a bongo say nasty things about Eva Longoria's clothes on the red carpet.

And now they won't even watch it for that. Joan Rivers - the billion-year-old comedienne who has made her name by being humorously judgemental about the outfits that celebrities wear to awards shows - has been ditched by TV Guide Channel, who have decided that the future of red carpet shows belongs to Lisa Rinna - a woman who we honestly wouldn't recognise if she bit us on the nose but who probably isn't as funny as Joan Rivers. Or as much of a rasping elderly stereotypically bitchy Jewish lady.

Awards shows are insanely superficial at the best of times - "Oh here Helen Mirren, the way you acted in the film was far better than the way the other actresses acted, so have this little golden man. Mwah! Loved you in Fu Manchu!" - but award show red carpet shows somehow manage to reach previously unheard of levels of superficiality.  

We all know that people care about Oscar night fashion - but an interminable show about a generic botoxed hag on a red carpet trying to catch Sarah Jessica Parker's eye just so that she can screech "Who are you wearing?" at her over and over again at several trillion decibels seems more like something Jack Bauer would use to get an Arab terrorist confess the location of a bomb than actual entertainment that people enjoy.

The exception to all this, of course, is Joan Rivers - a woman in her mid-seventies who has hit the headlines in the past for provoking terrifying Italian swearfests out of Brigitte Nielsen and longing to see Camilla Parker Bowles in her pants. Instead of fawning over various celebrity fashion choices, Joan Rivers made a career out of turning the red carpet show into one long  hilarious bitchathon. But not any more, because Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa have been binned from the red carpet by their current employer TV Guide Channel. Access Hollywood reports:

Joan Rivers is being replaced by former Access Hollywood fashionista Lisa Rinna as TV Guide Channel's leading red-carpet host. The actress will make her debut at the Emmy Awards on Sept. 16, the network said Wednesday… "TV Guide Channel is very appreciative of Joan and Melissa Rivers' contributions to the success of our red-carpet programming over the past three years," Ryan O'Hara, president of TV Guide Channel, said in a statement. "We wish them the best in their future endeavors." 

Joan Rivers hasn't announced her next post-TV Guide Channel move yet, but we're sure it will be hilarious and involve a fairly  large amount of self-deprecating plastic surgery jokes. But for now all eyes are on Lisa Rinna. They're on her because they haven't got a titting clue who the hell she is.

Apparently Lisa Rinna used to be in a couple of American soaps and a Nick Fury film with serial trouser-wetter David Hasselhoff. Lisa Rinna has also appeared on Dancing With The Stars just like the back-flipping monoped and that Anna Nicole Smith actress.

But, hey, none of that really matters because, as sensible human beings, you'd clearly rather chew off your own kneecaps than watch a red carpet award ceremony show, right?

Read more:

Lisa Rinna Replaces Joan Rivers - Access Hollywood