JK Rowling To Rock Out On US Harry Potter Tour

There's just over a month to go until Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is released to a salivating throng of children and partially-backward adults all desperate to discover exactly how Harry Potter gets killed at the end the book.

But once Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is released, what will Harry Potter creator JK Rowling do with her time? There won't be any more Harry Potter books left to write, nobody will take her adult novels seriously and she's so immensely loaded that she may as well just gorge herself on fois gras and rubies until the day she dies. But JK Rowling didn't get where she is today by not being industrious, which is why JK Rowling has announced a big American Harry Potter tour for the autumn. A 41-year-old woman? Standing in a big room? Reading bits of a book that you've already read anyway? Woo hoo.

As much as the building levels of hype seem to suggest that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows will be the Last! Of! Harry! Potter! Ever!, we get the impression that nobody involved with Harry Potter really wants it to end. Apart from grumpy old Hermione, obviously. But everyone else seems to want to try and stretch the end of Harry Potter out for as long as possible. There are still two more Harry Potter films to be made, plus The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter theme park to keep things ticking over, but that's not really enough.

No, by July 21 we'll have all realised that Harry Potter dies in a karate fight at the end of the final book and the spark will be gone. What will JK Rowling do then? Ask more people to give her paper? Get the hump about more skinny people? Don't be silly - keen to string out the Harry Potter machine for as long as she can, JK Rowling is to go on a Harry Potter tour of America. Starpulse reports:

The British-born Harry Potter author will give four readings in the United States this fall, her first U.S. promotional tour since 2000, when she was just becoming an international sensation and had yet to give birth to her second and third children. "What J.K. Rowling loves most is to talk with her readers, and that is what she will be able to do on this very special U.S. tour," Lisa Holton, president of Scholastic Trade and Book Fairs, said Thursday in a statement.

Excited? Excited to see JK Rowling reading a Harry Potter book in the flesh? Tough luck, numpty - chances are you won't be able to see her. For three of these Harry Potter tour dates, the audience will be made entirely of children from schools specially selected by the American Harry Potter publishers, and the fourth - in New York - will be selected by lottery. A word of advice for those lucky enough to get tickets, though - don't look JK Rowling in the eye. If she sees you looking her in the eye, JK Rowling will buy you from your parents and lock you away in a cage with no food forever.

But even though she'll be basically reading a book to people who have already read it three months previously, it hasn't stopped JK Rowling from compiling a Greatest Hits set of words to reel out to rapturous applause. So far, Rowling wants to open with 'possibly' before segueing into a medley of 'wasn't', 'Hogwarts', 'stalk' and 'cape' before the climactic set-closer of 'decision.' Then, if you're lucky, JK Rowling will do an encore where she probably gets naked and stabs a horse in the eye or something. We don't bloody know.

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Harry Potter Author JK Rowling To Tour US In The Fall - Starpulse