JK Rowling – creator of the Harry Potter franchise and single richest human being that has ever lived – has taken time out from sitting around in her ruby-encrusted mansion trying to think up the most disgusting way to kill Harry Potter to slag off skinny models in a weird, long rant on her website.
JK Rowling is an indisputably busy woman. But – as well as deciding how to kill Harry Potter in the final book, plotting the next step in her battle with the Pope,
and training her army of surgically-enhanced flying monkeys to block
out the sun so that she can hold the world to ransom – JK Rowling also
gets really pissed off when she sees skinny people on the TV. And JK
Rowling is, like, really important – so when she gets annoyed, everyone
hears about it.
On her official website, JK Rowling writes about the time that she read an interview with a model in a magazine:
"She can talk about eating
absolutely loads, being terribly busy and having the world’s fastest
metabolism until her tongue drops off (Hooray! Another couple of ounces
gone!). But her concave
stomach, protruding ribs and stick-like arms tell a different story.
This girl needs help but the world being what it is, they’re sticking
her on magazine covers instead."
The partial inspiration for JK Rowling’s angry skinny models rant is apparently Stupid Girls by Pink.
You know, the song with the video where Pink takes the piss out of
girls who dance and wear bikinis by, um, dancing and wearing a bikini:
"It is the antidote-anthem for everything I had been thinking about
women and thinness. Stupid Girls satirises the talking toothpicks held
up to girls as role models: those celebrities whose greatest
achievement is unchipped nail polish, whose only aspiration seems to be
getting photographed in a different outfit nine times a day, whose only
function in the world appears to be supporting the trade in overpriced
handbags and rat-sized dogs."
Skinny models on the front of magazines have long riled JK Rowling – it’s thought that the reason Rowling killed Dumbledore in the last Harry Potter book was because he took to the GI Diet with displeasing relish once the fame started going to his head.
But never fear – if you’re worried that your children will develop compulsive eating disorders from looking at too many pretty skinny models, don’t forget that you can feed them up nice and quick with a box of Harry Potter Jelly Beans, or some Harry Potter Gummy Cockroaches, or some Harry Potter Fizzing Whizbees, or some Harry Potter Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum…
[story by Stuart Heritage]