It must have been such a relief for JK Rowling when she finished the last Harry Potter book, because it meant she could focus on what’s really important to her – which, it turns out, is Harry Potter.
Not content with the book of Harry Potter fairy tales she recently wrote, or the Harry Potter encyclopedia she’s working on now, JK Rowling has found the time to write a prequel to the Harry Potter books, set before Harry first went to Hogwarts.
However, there’s only one copy of this 800-word Harry Potter prequel and it’s going to be auctioned for charity, so hardly anyone will be able to read it. But the rest of you shouldn’t worry – give it a year and Warner Bros will have bought the rights and padded it out into a brand new nine-hour movie trilogy. In space.
As any novelist and most parents will tell you, it’s difficult to kill off your own creation. That definitely seems to be the case with Harry Potter and JK Rowling. JK Rowling finished writing Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows a couple of years ago, but she just can’t seem to let go of the boy wizard.
Maybe that’s because Harry Potter has been JK Rowling’s closest companion for a decade. Maybe it’s because Harry Potter left a mark on society more indelible than anything else JK Rowling will ever write. Or maybe it’s because Harry Potter made JK Rowling so rich that all the jewelery she now owns is made from the crystallised remains of Jesus Christ. Who knows?
Whatever the reason, JK Rowling seems unable to stop sneaking out new Harry Potter morsels every couple of months. First it was the handwritten Harry Potter fairy tales that were given to friends and auctioned off. Then there’s the Harry Potter encyclopedia that’s definitely JK Rowling’s idea and she’ll sue you if you copy her. And now there’s a brand-new Harry Potter prequel.
Don’t get too excited, though – the Harry Potter prequel is only 800 words long and written on both sides of an A5 storycard, which means you’ll look like even more of a dick than usual if you try reading it on the tube. Also there’s only one copy and it’s probably going to cost about £5 million when it’s sold in a charity auction next month. Sky News reports:
Rowling has penned a prequel to the bestselling seven-book series describing what happened to Harry before he went to Hogwarts. The new piece is one of 13 story outlines written by famous writers for a charity auction to be held by Waterstones on June 10…. [Rowling] says at the end of the story, written on both sides of an A5 storycard: “From the prequel I am not working on – but that was fun!”
We’re not entirely sure what happens in this new Harry Potter prequel but, since Star Wars was such an obvious influence on the Harry Potter books, we believe that it’ll centre around a complex and obscure trade disagreement, show Lord Voldemort as the adorable little boy from Jingle All The Way and feature a stupid racially-dubious alien that everyone hates because he’s obviously just there to sell merchandising.
Still, it’s wrong of us to criticise JK Rowling here, because her exclusive one-off Harry Potter prequel is bound to raise an incredible amount of money for charity. Plus it’s infinitely better than her original idea for a story outline – basically an inky imprint of her arse and the words ‘I am rich! Suck it dickheads!’ angrily scrawled out underneath it in lipstick.
buguloo121 says
I think you are indisputable for bringing vulgarity in this story! Even as minuscule as “dick head!”
-buguloo121, 13, internet master, and YES! I am a girl! That comment in of a privet battle with SOMEONE…