The Harry Potter books are irritating and twee and 'wouldn't it be a wonderful wheeze to buy a midnight feast from the tuck shop', aren't they.
No. No they're not. They can't be because the woman who wrote the Harry Potter books, JK Rowling, has admitted that she's suffered from depression and battled suicidal thoughts before.
Of course, this all happened before Harry Potter got successful and JK Rowling got preposterously rich and stuff. Now any time JK Rowling gets a bit sad she'll go to a poor person's house, buy their furniture and pets for a tenner and set it all on fire in front of them until she's happy again. Works every time.
You'd think that famous people would be the happiest people on Earth, wouldn't you? They have fame, success, power, wealth, access to top-notch cosmetic surgeons, nice hair, expensive shoes, children with invented names, illogical religious beliefs and a constant access to any number of willing sexual partners. But sometimes that isn't the case, because a lot of celebrities have tried to kill themselves in the past.
It's true – Halle Berry tried to kill herself and Tom Jones tried to kill himself and Owen Wilson tried to kill himself. That's literally every celebrity in the world. Admittedly, aside from Owen Wilson – who was found in his home with blood oozing from his slashed wrists – neither of the other two actually attempted suicide, but just entertained the thought of it so they could use the experience in an anecdote years later to show how successful they've subsequently become, but it still sort of counts.
It must do, because Harry Potter creator JK Rowling has just done that exact thing. In an interview with a student magazine, JK Rowling announced that there was this time once that she got a little bit miserable:
"The thing that made me go for help was probably my daughter. She was something that earthed me, grounded me, and I thought, this isn't right, this can't be right, she cannot grow up with me in this state. We're talking suicidal thoughts here, we're not talking "I'm a little bit miserable"… I have never been remotely ashamed of having been depressed. Never. What's to be ashamed of? I went through a really rough time and I am quite proud that I got out of that."
In the end, JK Rowling went and had some cognitive behavioural therapy to snap her out of it, and it worked. Now JK Rowling is a beacon of inspiration for all the other suicidal depressives in the world – she's living proof that all it takes to get out of a suicidal funk is a guilt-making baby, some therapy and the ability to write the most successful childrens' book franchise in history and become richer than the Queen out of it. Anyone can do it.
But why has JK Rowling decided to speak out about her depression now? Did the topic come up naturally in the conversation? Is this a sneaky first step towards JK Rowling writing trashy self-help books? Or is it part of JK Rowling's ongoing tactic of discussing things that have happened to her in the past to help her think up something to come after Harry Potter? We think it might be.
JK Rowling has already visited her old house and now she's recounting her almost-suicide. But surely that's it now – surely JK Rowling can't go on dredging up past memories to hold off writing a Harry Potter follow-up, can she? Because, honestly, it's just a matter of time before JK Rowling gives an explosive interview about The Time I Woke Up And Thought It Was Thursday But It Was Actually Wednesday, and we don't know how we'd cope with that.
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mst3kster says
Funny, I never had suicidal thoughts until Harry Potter came along.
The Dread Pirate Sausage says
“Now any time JK Rowling gets a bit sad she’ll go to a poor person’s house, buy their furniture and pets for a tenner and set it all on fire in front of them until she’s happy again. Works every time.”
LoL
x says
You’re a jealous little fiend, aren’t you? You only wish you could have a fraction of her current success, so you’re stuck writing smarmy little articles to take backhanded swipes at more important people. That woman got millions of kids reading again and gives millions of dollars to charity, so leave her alone and aim your envious miseries elsewhere.
euclid says
Yeah! x is right! far right!
Wait, ‘smarmy’? Nothing smarmy about it it.
Snarky, arguably, smarmy, not even vaguely.
GET YOUR INSULTS STRAIGHT X,
YOU HALF-WIT SEMI-LITERATE SELF-RIGHTEOUS
POMPOUS PIOUS FUCKHEAD!
Posters to this site have standards, you know.
Must keep the insults strictly up to snuff. Hmph.
euclid says
Sorry. That was a bit over the top.
Suicides are just introverted murderers.
They need our misplaced compassion.
Would-be suicides however learn to re-direct their murderous
impulses healthily outward and sometimes in print inventing
annoying characters just to kill them later. And this is the banquet
upon which we brazenly feast. Blood lust our birthright
we anoint and celebrate those who ‘forge upon the smithy
of [their] soul the uncreated conscience of our race’,
then we sink our teeth in. Great job, JK, pass me a femur, wouldja?
gir says
this post contains 100% of your usrda of smarm