Imagine all the fun you’d have living with Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy. No really, try to imagine it.
It’d be awful, wouldn’t it? You’d be sitting there trying to quietly read the newspaper, and if Jim Carrey wasn’t trying to distract you by bellowing another imaginary conversation out loud to himself in 30 different madcap voices an inch from your face, then Jenny McCarthy would be flopping around like the world’s most inebriated attention-seeking circus clown. Or, worse still, they’d corner you and start lecturing you about spirituality and the dangers of modern vaccines. Ugh. Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy are the worst couple on Earth.
Or at least they were. According to their respective Twitter feeds, Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy have ended their five-year relationship. Good.
Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy have split up, so it’s time for us all to form one of several queues. Those of us who find Jim Carrey’s zany persona, jarring real-life over-sincerity and floppy hair sexually irresistible should line up outside his house. Those of us who wish that more slightly obnoxious big-breasted blondes would drone on about vaccines all the sodding time should line up outside Jenny McCarthy’s house. The rest of us should line up outside the furnace that we plan to hurl ourselves into in case either Jim Carrey or Jenny McCarthy beat the odds and somehow manage to latch onto us.
Oh, we’re being unnecessarily cruel. This is obviously a sad day for both Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy. They were together for five years, and they just seemed so right for each other. They’re both madcap performers with a string of underwhelming films under their respective belts. They both want desperately to be taken seriously, McCarthy as a campaigner for autism causes and Carrey as the star of scary films about spooky numbers. And, most importantly, they loved each other.
For Valentine’s Day, Jim Carrey hired a sky-writer to tell the world how in love he was. A fortnight ago he was using Twitter to misappropriate John Lennon lyrics in order to declare his love for Jenny McCarthy. At the same time she was using Twitter to say how proud she was of Jim Carrey’s website. Their romance was going to last forever.
Except it wasn’t, and yesterday both Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy used Twitter to announce their split. Jim first:
Jenny and I have just ended our 5yr relationship. I’m grateful 4 the many blessings we’ve shared and I wish her the very best! S’okay! ?;^>
And now Jenny:
Im so grateful for the years Jim and I had together. I will stay committed to Jane and will always keep Jim as a leading man in my heart.
It’s so great that celebrities like Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy can keep their fans abreast of their relationship status with Twitter, isn’t it? We’re looking forward to seeing what they write next. We especially can’t wait for Jim Carrey’s “I spent 4hrs staring at myself in the mirror last night. I saw nothing but a pit of seething, lonely despair ?;^>”. That can’t be too far off, surely.
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