Jessica Simpson’s Creepy Dad Might Be Totally Gay

But this is according to the National Enquirer, so, you know–consider your source. They’re either incredibly spot on or very, very wrong. It’s either ‘Brad leaves Jen for Angelina’ or ‘Cher is Heading a Sex Cult.’ There is rarely middle ground in the?Enquirer newsroom.

At any rate, Jessica Simpson’s parents, Tina and Joe Simpson, have confirmed that they are indeed getting a divorce after thirty-four years of marriage. But according to the Enquirer, the divorce was spurred by Joe’s dropping a bomb on the Simpson family. According to the report: “He’s gay!”

Tina filed or divorce at the end of last month, with a rep for the family revealing:

“It is an amicable split and there is no third party involved. Any other related allegations are completely false.”

The divorce papers cited “discord or conflict of personalities” as the reason for the split, which is about as meaningful as citing, “we wanted a divorce” as the reason for wanting a divorce.

But onto the gay thing.

?Joe got the family together about two months ago and came out of the closet,? an insider told the Enquirer. ?He told them that he?d tried to continue in his marriage to Tina, but he couldn?t go on any longer and deny the fact that he had these feelings for men.”

The paper reported Joe having an affair with a “boy toy” about half his age. And you know what? Good for Joe. Because if the tree is anything like the apple, Joe had to put up with a ton of stupid questions for the majority of his life. Is this chicken or tuna? How many stomachs do I have? What do bees taste like?? Poor guy. He deserves a boy toy.

The Enquirer continues to quote the source, saying that when Joe was busted for a DUI in August, ?The police report stated that there was someone else in the car with Joe? now the belief is that it may well have been a boyfriend.?

Joe Simpson Might Be Gay

To jog your memory, Simpson was arrested on August 4th, around 10pm in Sherman Oaks, CA. He was immediately sent to jail and released the next morning, without having to post bail.

Anyway, gay or straight, the split may not be an amicable one. In the divorce papers, Tina claims she has separate property from Joe and would like to keep that property. Joe filed a response insisting that she get nothing.

The family is denying the Enquirer‘s gay rumor, of course.

To be honest, I know sexual orientation should not matter one iota, but I was kind of hoping for gay. Because it’d make this quote about his daughter’s breasts a whole lot less disturbing:

“She’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!”