Why did Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo split up? There are countless possible reasons, too many to list.
But only one of them is hilarious. So let’s go with that. Reports are suggesting that Tomy Romo ran away from Jessica Simpson because of her meddling, breast-fixated father, Joe Simpson. Apparently one of the factors for the split was Joe’s insistence on giving Tony endless advice about how to do his job properly.
It’s such a waste, especially when poor old Pete Wentz is crying out for advice about how to write better songs. And what a decent haircut looks like.
Everybody needs a father like Joe Simpson. That’s scientific fact. Without a Joe Simpson by your side, you’d probably end up stumbling through life making bad decision after bad decision and getting absolutely nowhere.
But with a Joe Simpson by your side, the world is your oyster. Need to turn your marriage to a boyband star into an MTV reality show that’ll make everyone question the integrity of the union and ultimately lead to a messy public divorce? Joe Simpson’s your man. Need to carve yourself a movie career that’ll inevitably crash to a standstill in a flurry of direct-to-DVD releases and one of the worst-performing movies ever made? Joe Simpson’s your man. Want a string of boyfriends who’ll never commit as much as you’d like them to because of your creepy overbearing father constantly breathing down their necks? Joe Simpson is definitely your man.
Because, even though the official reason given for the recent Jessica Simpson/ Tony Romo split was that their schedules keep them apart too much, some sources are saying that it’s all down to Old Man Simpson and his meddlin’ ways. Fox reports:
“At one point Joe was even giving Tony football advice which doesn't go down well,” said an insider. “Tony was a football superstar before he got mixed up in Hollywood, this move will be probably be good at least for his career.”
It doesn’t seem completely fair to lay the break-up of Jessica Simpson’s relationship with Tony Romo completely at Joe Simpson’s door, though, does it? There could be hundreds of other factors involved – like, say, the way that Jessica Simpson looked quite fat in that pair of trousers that one time, or the way that Jessica Simpson wouldn’t shut up about how fat she looked in those trousers the one time she wore them, or the way that Jessica Simpson got so bloody obsessed with how she sodding looked in those arseing trousers that she ended up making a TV show about the pissing things.
But, admit it, the Joe Simpson story does have an air of plausibility to it. After all, Jessica Simpson is daddy’s little girl – and nobody will ever give her the loving that he does.
No, not like that.
OK, a bit like that. Ugh.