-comedy gold!!!!

I’d imagine the breakup went something like this:
The two of them are driving along in the car, listening to the radio. “Your Body Is A Wonderland” comes on, and John Mayer smugly tells her that he wrote it.

“You wrote THAT? Oh… my… god! Like, eww! We like have to break up because I like totally hate that song.”

“At least I know what chicken of the sea is!”

“What is it, chicken that floats on the ocean?”

And then they exasperatedly make out and the car goes flying off a cliff and they both die in a death so severe that the fabric of time is altered and they’re both permanently removed from history, terrible music and acting included.

Oh, wait. That last paragraph was just wishful thinking. The rest of it was likely accurate though.

essica Simpson may be a hulking bright orange man-jawed talent vacuum – but at least she’s a hulking bright orange man-jawed talent vacuum who makes the news when she splits up with people, which is more than any of us can say for you….