Jessica Simpson may be a hulking bright orange man-jawed talent vacuum – but at least she's a hulking bright orange man-jawed talent vacuum who makes the news when she splits up with people, which is more than any of us can say for you.

It's been rumoured that Jessica Simpson – former professional idiot and performer of films and songs you couldn't even consider liking – has apparently split up with her boyfriend, the equally vapid blues-lite musician John Mayer. This earth-shattering split hasn't been confirmed by either Jessica Simpson or John Mayer yet, but enough sources have reported it for us to assume that it's probably true. What's the point of reporting a speculative rumour about Jessica Simpson's private life, you ask? Well, it's a quiet news day and it's either this or we write about Jessica Simpson's crappy new film. Which would you prefer?

The split? Thought so.

We're disappointed. It looks like Jessica Simpson has split up with John Mayer, but news of the split has dribbled out gradually – and that's just not what we expect from a Jessica Simpson love split. We want the gossip about the split to be so overwhelming that Jessica Simpson breaks down and ends up in therapy, only for the rumours to be true all along, with the final split marked by bitter alimony squabbles and harrowing, soul-baring albums about the unceasing pain of loneliness. And we see anything short of that, frankly, as an act of aggression from Jessica Simpson.

So imagine how annoyed we were when it turns out that Jessica Simpson may have split up with currentish boyfriend John Mayer and nobody even bothered to put out a magazine cover screaming the word 'SPLIT!' in ten-inch letters. People reports this possible Jessica Simpson/ John Mayer split:

"They have broken up," says the source. "But they have broken up and gotten back together at least 10 times before." According to the source, the pair are in constant contact – even as Simpson promotes her film Major Movie Star at the Cannes Film Festival in France. "They talk to each other at least six times a day. I don't know if this breakup is permanent, but for right now they are broken up."

This is getting even worse – Jessica and John have split up 10 times before, and this is the first we've heard about it? That's awful, especially if it turns out that this is just a cack-handed publicity stunt to try and get people to notice Jessica Simpson's latest sub-Private Benjamin movie that she's busy trying to hawk in Cannes at the moment and they get back together immediately afterwards.

But let's assume that Jessica Simpson and John Mayer really have split up. There are good sides and bad sides, obviously – a good side being that we'll never have to speak of John Mayer ever again and a bad side being that Jessica Simpson will have to refocus on her professional life again. That means more getting turned down for movies, more losing her voice and more weird sobbing freak-outs onstage in front of Dolly Parton.

And if that's not bad enough, Jessica Simpson will now have to take the first tentative steps back into singledom again – something compounded by the fact that all men are scared of Jessica Simpson. It's not all terrible news, however – whenever Jessica Simpson wants a man to enthuse over her warm, supple feminine curves and sensuous, welcoming breasts, there's always her dad. Her own Dad. Bleugh.

Read more:

Jessica Simpson & John Mayer Split – For Now – People