Jessica Simpson isn’t just a bumbling, stupid-mouthed, manjawed, divorced reality TV dingbat, you know. Jessica Simpson is actually a bumbling, stupid-mouthed, manjawed divorced reality TV dingbat who sometimes sings a bit.

Every know and again, God sends a song down from heaven on a golden cloud and into Jessica Simpson’s lungs, ready for her to beautifully exhale it back to the world. Only, last time this happened, there was a bit of a mix-up and God accidentally sent down Holiday by Madonna instead. Jessica Simpson covered it all up by renaming the song A Public Affair, and she would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for a badly-timed bout of laryngitis which has decimated Jessica Simpson’s publicity push and disappointed the three weirdos that actually like Jessica Simpson for her music.