It's weird how one word can change one's perception of an individual – look at Jessica Simpson. Back when she had a TV show called The Newlyweds, Jessica Simpson was a fresh-faced – if slightly stupid – star in the rising.
But now, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are properly, officially, 100% divorced. And, as a newly-finalised divorcee, the name Jessica Simpson just conjures up images of an embittered, lantern-jawed enormo-haired woman with bright orange skin and a fondness for releasing terrible singles.
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey once had it all. OK, by 'it all' we mean 'crumbling recording deals and a surprise TV show based on how cackbrained the two of them were', but you take what you can get, right? However, things swiftly went south for Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey when they realised
there would be no more Newlyweds shows made love was hard under media scrutiny.
After all kinds of speculation on the state of their marriage, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey finally split up in November with divorce proceedings and apparent alimony battles quickly following. And then… nothing. The career paths of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have both shot off in different directions, with Jessica Simpson desperately trying to attach herself to all kinds of ridiculous movie roles, ripping off every idea that Angelina Jolie ever had and having her Dad perv over her tits a bit.
Meanwhile, Nick Lachey has only stopped making his 'Boo-Hoo Jessica Simpson Has Left Me' album to make fruitless sitcom pilots and stop young girls getting perved over on the internet. But now Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have been brought back together by the sweet seduction of divorce. A spokesman for Jessica Simpson said on Saturday:
"All I am confirming is that they are now in fact divorced."
There's still no money being discussed publicly here, but at least we know that Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson are officially divorcees now. And that means it's only a matter of time before one of them turns up at a Speed Dating event, eyes badly smeared with lazily-applied mascara and breath reeking of gin and desperation. No, wait, that's us we're thinking about.
[story by Stuart Heritage]