Male stars of Desperate Housewives have to look danger in the eye every day – and by ‘danger’ we clearly mean ‘Teri Hatcher.’

For some people the danger goes as soon as they leave Desperate Housewives, but others aren’t so lucky. Take Jesse Metcalfe, for example. On Saturday night Jesse fell 40ft off a hotel balcony down two flights of stairs in Monaco, knocked himself unconscious and broke his leg – and his publicist is claiming that he’s lucky to be alive.

But, as horrific as the accident sounds, it’s impossible not to see the bright side of this. True, Jesse Metcalfe could have died or suffered horrible brain injuries in the fall, but on the plus side at least everyone knows who Jesse Metcalfe is again. Oh, come on, you know. Jesse Metcalfe. Tall boy. Used to be on Desperate Housewives. No? Fair enough.

If we’ve learnt anything from today, it’s that you must never, ever mess with Lindsay Lohan. Seriously, ever. Look at the facts. Calum Best messed with Lindsay Lohan and he went bald, Barack Obama messed with Lindsay Lohan and he’s going to have to spend the next four years pretending to be friends with Vladimir Putin. And look what’s happened to Jesse Metcalfe.

You’ll remember that Lindsay Lohan was recently sacked as the host of the World Music Awards because she objected to the organisers’ plans to introduce Jesse Metcalfe as her co-host. And what happened? Jesse Metcalfe went to the World Music Awards and ended up having a brain scan because he plunged off a 40ft hotel balcony down two flights of stairs. Are we insinuating that Lindsay Lohan is some sort of voodoo priestess? No. We’re too frightened for that.

But the point is, in a roundabout way, that Jesse Metcalfe – Eva Longoria’s gardener in about three episodes of Desperate Housewives once – has buggered his body right up in the fall. Fox reports:

Jesse, 29, hosted the World Music Awards in Monte Carlo, France, on Sunday but slipped as he headed back to his hotel to change. He was rushed to hospital, then flown to London to be re-examined. An MRI brain scan gave him the all-clear but doctors confirmed he had fractured his fibula. The actor’s spokesman said last night: “Jesse knows he’s had a very lucky escape. The accident could have been fatal.”

While we’re pleased that Jesse Metcalfe didn’t suffer any career-threatening injuries in the fall – there’s still hope for John Tucker Must Die 2! Yay! – it does make us wonder what caused the fall. Alcohol hasn’t been acknowledged as a factor – despite Jesse’s stint in rehab for alcohol abuse – and his people seem to be blaming the hotel. But we think we know the real reason.

If you knew that you had to spend the rest of your life staring at the world’s ugliest tattoo, you’d probably want to throw yourselves off a balcony once in a while too, wouldn’t you? Huh?

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