Everybody has more or less moved on from the Sandra Bullock/ Jesse James scandal of earlier this year.

Sandra Bullock? She’s got her adopted child to worry about. Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee? She’s probably found another weirdo to have uncomfortably Nazi-themed sex with by now. And Jesse James? Well, actually, we haven’t heard the last of Jesse James yet. Speaking to Nightline last night, Jesse James revealed that he didn’t go to rehab for sex addiction this year, or for anger management – he did it because he was the victim of child abuse several decades ago.

Oh that’s right Jesse James, blame it all on your violently abusive monster of a father. That’s low, Jesse. That’s real low.

There’s always a consequence to fun, isn’t there? Take Jesse James, for instance – the consequence of his carefree infidelities was the destruction of his marriage and reputation. And it’s the same for us – it may have been a riot to giggle at the way that Jesse James cheated on one of the world’s most beautiful women with a Nazi fetishist who’s got a giant eyelashed fish tattooed up her arm, but that riot has to be cosmically balanced out by something. In this case it’s having to hear about how Jesse James was abused as a child.

Because he says he was. In fact, he can trace his decision to cheat on Sandra Bullock right back to the moment when his dad started hitting him. On Nightline last night, presumably as part of a Refusing To Shut Up Because You’re Clearly Some Sort Of Idiot special, Jesse James revealed that his stint in rehab earlier this year wasn’t to deal with his sex addiction at all – it was to deal with the emotions stemming from his abusive childhood. NBC reports:

James said he realized he “never had a chance to be a kid” because his father used to “terrorize” him. “He beat my ass pretty good a bunch of times,” James said. “I just remember, like, clinched teeth, [a] strained-neck look on his face.”… At age seven, James said, his father chased him in the dark until he fell and broke his arm. Afterward his father laughed and called him a “dummy.”

Bloody hell, this is a bit of a downer, isn’t it? Seriously, we think we just preferred it when Jesse James went around having weird Nazi sex with funny-looking women. Be more like that man again, Jesse. He was fun.

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