Jesse James is still talking about how he cheated on Sandra Bullock a year ago. It behooves him to talk about betraying his ex-wife for the sake of his book sales. So, his current book tour includes belated apologies and indignant admissions of guilt. However, you may be interested to know, any wrongdoing on his part is in the eye of the beholder and Jesse is only sorry that you’re so sensitive.
There are probably no innocent parties here and we don’t know the full story. There were two people in that relationship.
Until there were suddenly seven more people and Jesse was having sex with all of them. It took two of them to break-up the relationship. Which is, incidentally, roughly how many strippers with whom he cheated.
No one’s ever really at fault when a marriage breaks down. Apparently. So Jesse has spent the last 12 months writing and promoting a book about cheating on and humiliating an Oscar winner for any other bastards who want to do the same.
Asked by a journalist whether he’d entirely emotionally moved on and detached from cheating on Sandra, Jesse responded simply, ‘Yeah, I'm cool.’ He’s ‘Cool’ with moving on from Nazi strippers and a burning sensation when he pees.
Oh, good.
Probed further, as to whether his life fell apart after the scandal or whether he was ever heckled by passersby, he replied that everyone loved him. Like, everyone. Only we in the media mocked him because we are, apparently, the only ones with any perspective. ‘I never got one negative comment. Not from anyone,’ insisted Jesse. ‘The only people that said negative stuff to me were paparazzi and they were like being paid to do that.’
We’re the only people who’re habitually pointing and laughing at his goober face, whiny voice, and thin excuses for philandering. We need our own book tour where we can promote Team Hecklerspray and blame our readers for the crotch rot and constant itching in tender places.
This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, who is currently having an affair behind the backs of the many ‘spray writers she’s told she’ll marry, the heartless sow.
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