Every now and then, a person comes along that demands the world drop whatever it's doing, and pay him mind. When we say 'every now and then' we mean between 3 and 4 PM on channel 2. When we say 'the world' we mean decrepit trailer parks. Are we on the same page?
Now when we say 'person' we mean, of course, Jerry Springer. And a finer person you'll never meet. He spends his time repairing broken relationships, and giving financially-poor semi-toothed people a chance to leave a television legacy to their step children/pregnant prom dates. And dancing. Yes, Jerry Springer also spends a lot of time dancing – soon anyway – and all for your enjoyment.
Because heaven has heard your cries.
Jerry Springer has done it all. He's been a TV host, a radio host, Mayor of Cincinnati, Ohio, and (unofficially mind you) an overweight lesbian transvestite from outerspace relationship-therapist.
Well feel free to tack 'dancer extraordinaire' onto that list, because it's truer than any of us could ever have guessed. Dancing With The Stars just announced its newest lineup, and Jerry Springer is part of the team. Now normally if the words Springer and dance are used in some sort of conjunction, on might assume a dimly lit stage-pole to be involved – such is not the case here. According to many a press release, the dancing will unfold like this:
"…celebrity and professional dance pairs will perform choreographed Latin and traditional ballroom routines to popular live music."
Now that sounds downright tantalising, especially to those who love the art of dance like we do. Dance, after all, is the one true universal language – not math. You'll all see. One day our glorious intergalactic masters shall return, and when they do they're gonna want to know who can fox trot, and who wasted these thousand millennia square-rooting an obtuse triangle. Yeah, you'd better calculate-up a laser gun, Math-geeks.
And remember to carry the two.
Read more:
ABC Dancing With The Springer – CNN
[story by Shawn Lindseth]