Everyone loves a spin off – and that’s scientific fact. From Frasier to Angel to Star Trek: The Next Generation, it’s a guaranteed money-making enterprise. Which is why hecklerspray is so surprised that no-one has picked up our script for Castaway 2: The Wilson Years. Those Hollywood imbeciles.

Oh well. Our time will come, we’re sure. Let’s face it – if Jerry Springer’s security guard can get his own television show, then it’s only a matter of time before literally everyone in the world is granted a primetime series. Coming soon: Thank God I’m No Longer Sat Atop That Twat’s Head, presented by Russell Brand’s haircut.

Until then, we’ll have to make do with The Steve Wilkos Show.