Jeremy Paxman: ‘I’m On Strike’

Monday’s upcoming BBC strike gathers pace, with the news that growling Jeremy Paxman - the TV interviewer equivalent of a crack-maddened rottweiler - is apparently unwilling to cross the picket lines to be set up by the unions outside Television Centre.

Paxman reportedly announced this show of solidarity to a sweating board of BBC executives. None of them attempted to argue with him but, then - be honest - would you?

Quite where this leaves Paxo’s motley crew of co-presenters remains a mystery? Will Kirsty Wark cower as she crosses the barricades, or will she rise up against the protesters, screaming "Stop! Let me pass! The world needs more of my fawning Pete Doherty (CDs) encounters!"

Maybe tubby egghead Mark Lawson will find himself swamped under a pelting bombardment of rotten fruit? Alternatively he could just deflect all of these attacks by creating a magical forcefield generated entirely by his own overwhelming smugness.

Or - and here’s hecklerspray’s favourite ‘or’ - they could link hands with furrow-browed Jeremy and refuse go on the telly too. What would old Grandpa Beeb do then? He must be shuffling uneasily in his rocking chair to say the least.

The immediate future of the show - for a couple of days at least - is already looking shaky. Most of the video editing staff have announced their intention not to turn up to work. Couple this with the lack of a presenter and it looks like the show may not be hitting the airwaves at all … unless they drag in Jimmy Carr (DVDs) and get a team of trained monkeys to operate ‘behind the scenes’ (The Friday Night Project, in other words).

Not that it matters. A Newsnight without the Paxmeister would be like David Baddiel (DVDs/books) without Frank Skinner (DVDs) - lost, gullible and slightly ashamed-looking.

Favourite Newsnight moments, anyone? hecklerspray nominates Paxman’s to-the-point weather forecasting. On one occasion the weathermap showed little more than a collection of rainclouds. Paxman turned to the camera, sighed, and said: ‘It’s April. What do you expect?’

Genius.

[story by C J Davies]