Jeremy Edwards Skids Off Dancing On Ice
Hooray for Dancing On Ice, the show we’ve decided to follow three weeks in out of a mixture of boredom and self-loathing.
If you missed yesterday’s epic, endless, two-hour Dancing On Ice, you missed Jeremy Edwards getting voted off. Jeremy got the boot either because he was rubbish at skating or because of the temper tantrum he threw when he realised that the judges didn’t share his love of himself. We have neither the time nor the inclination to find out.
But enough about Jeremy Edwards, here’s our Dancing On Ice rundown on Donal MacIntyre and Melinda Messenger…
Donal MacIntyre – You’ll remember Donal MacIntyre, for two main things. First is the fact that neither of his parents knew how to spell the word ‘Donald’ on the day of his birth and second is his TV show MacIntrye Undercover, where he wandered around the streets of London at 2am deliberately dripping with all sorts of expensive consumer electronics items and then acted all shocked when someone mugged him about a month in. Donal MacIntrye is a bellend and, what’s more, he’s crap at Dancing On Ice. His routine to Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay yesterday was full of stumbles, although none sadly enough to give him a serious, yet temporary, injury. Shame. Dancing On Ice score – 15
Melinda Messenger – Melinda Messenger has two main problems when it comes to Dancing On Ice. Firstly, she’s primarily famous for being a titty model, and when your brain can just about cope with remembering to smile and take your bra off at the same time, complex ice-dance choreography will probably flummox you quite severely. Secondly, Melinda Messenger has massive boobs so her centre of gravity is all berserk. That’s why Melinda Messenger was in the Dancing On Ice skate-off last week, and why her confident was non-existent for this week’s performance to some hippy bollocks we didn’t catch the name of. Somehow, though, Melinda pulled a decent routine out of the bag that was romantic, graceful and self-assured. Not words we’d ever intended to use about the giganto-jawed tit-monster. Dancing On ice score – 19
Tomorrow: Dancing On Ice looks at Todd Carty and Colleen Nolan.
