Jeremy Clarkson ‘Goes Berserk At Crying Child’

It’s nothing new for Jeremy Clarkson to make children cry - in fact parents often use images of Clarkson’s hair and wardrobe choices to scare their children into paying attention at school.

But one lucky child claims that Jeremy Clarkson recently made him cry for a whole new reason. Specifically because Jeremy Clarkson screamed “I will hunt you down and rip your fucking head off,” at him.

And all because the boy took a photo of Jeremy Clarkson asleep on a beach. Why did Jeremy Clarkson overreact so furiously to a sleeping picture? Was it because he’s an avowed defender of human rights and privacy laws, or was it because he’s a drooler? He’s a drooler, isn’t he. He certainly looks like one.

Should Jeremy Clarkson suddenly lose his lucrative careers presenting shouty TV show about cars and writing a million near-identical books called things like Jeremy Clarkson: I Don’t Know Why I Bother and Jeremy Clarkson: Pffff, Typical, he’d be perfectly suited for a job as a Dickensian child-catcher.

Actually, that’s a little unfair. Child-catchers usually succeed at catching children by being creepily nice to them and offering them lollipops, whereas Jeremy Clarkson tends to just go mental at kids until they run away crying. He’d be a shit child catcher. We apologise.

Honestly, Jeremy Clarkson is developing a bit of a reputation around children. Not so long ago Jeremy Clarkson got in trouble with police when he picked a a boy up and screamed at him, just because the boy looked at him funny. And now it’s alleged that Clarkson’s been at it again.

According to reports, Jeremy Clarkson recently launched into a foul-mouthed rant at 12-year-old Tom Dickman because he’d used his new camera to take a picture of Jeremy Clarkson asleep on a beach. And Jeremy Clarkson’s response? Well, this:

“Are you the little fucker that took my picture? If you do that again or it goes on the internet I will hunt you down and rip your fucking head off.”

And if it wasn’t bad enough that Tom Dickman was screamed at by an irate man with a perm and a mouth that looks like the results of a terrorist attack on a ceramic factory, the poor boy’s Dad appears to be a tiresome gobby wanker as well, as the Sunday Mirror reports:

Tom ran to his dad Chris in tears. The 37-year-old garage owner, from Hitchin, Herts., said: “I saw it all happen. Tom was a huge fan of Top Gear and Clarkson was his hero. He watched the show every week and even asked me to buy him the DVDs for Christmas and birthdays. Clarkson’s reaction was out of order. He utterly humiliated and scared my son. Who the hell does Clarkson think he is?… I used to think Top Gear was great - but I won’t watch it ever again.”

What with this recent spate of child-scaring, we wouldn’t be surprised if Jeremy Clarkson soon becomes a kind of urban myth for parents who want to stop their kids from misbehaving. Basically a bit like the bogeyman who lives under your bed, except one with a distinct war cry that sounds quite a lot like petty-minded muttering about immigrants and recycling and local governments. Or somthing.

Read more:

Jeremy Clarkson in four-letter rant to boy, 12 - Sunday Mirror