Sorry boys, Jennifer Love Hewitt has just got engaged – so the closest you'll ever get to an intimate moment with Jennifer Love Hewitt will remain that time you furtively licked her ear on the DVD cover of Garfield: A Tail Of Two Kitties.
But who is this awful monster who, by getting engaged to Jennifer Love Hewitt, has wrecked your dreams of running your hands through Jennifer Love Hewitt's hair while riding pretty horses together in a rainbow-dappled meadow? Why none other than completely unknown Scottish actor Ross McCall. Still, the least we can do is congratulate Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ross McCall on their engagement. Well, that and fear the day that their offspring is born, because if the genes of the woman from Jackie Chan's worst movie and the man from one episode of Pie In The Sky can't combine to create the world's most powerful super-villain, we don't know what can.
Jennifer Love Hewitt might not have become the giant movie star people once thought she'd become – preferring instead to star in a dull TV show about helping ghosts with emotional issues – but Jennifer Love Hewitt will always have one thing to her advantage, and that's her norks.
Jennifer Love Hewitt's norks are the stuff of legend, albeit the sort of rubbish legend about being the seventh runner-up in a competition to find famous people with good boobs. But the most special thing about Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts is that she possesses a rock-hard resilience to ever showing them to anyone ever. In the past Jennifer Love Hewitt has turned down Playboy offers and film roles because they meant she'd have to finally reveal the shape and colour of her nipples.
And the situation has got so bad that some bloke's got so desperate to see what Jennifer Love Hewitt look like naked that he's just got engaged to her. Ross McCall – a Scottish actor who you'll remember from one episode of Bones, one episode of CSI: NY and one episode of The Brittas Empire – met Jennifer Love Hewitt during his stint in one episode of Ghost Whisperer and the two of them embarked on the sort of high-octane relationship that meant that nobody even knew they were even together until they got engaged.
And make no mistake, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ross McCall are definitely engaged. Jennifer Love Hewitt's slave said so. Look:
"They got engaged last week."
See? But while we're happy for Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ross McCall – who apparently presented his fiancee with an antique ring that's been in his family for 100 years – we can't help feeling a little bit sorry for Jennifer Love Hewitt's small army of male fans, who'll all have to resign themselves to pausing their Jennifer Love Hewitt DVDs when she's making an "ooh" sound so it makes it look like she's kissing back when they slobber all over their TV screens. Which, um, we heard some people do.