Most of us can only imagine what being married to Jennifer Lopez is like – personally we can't imagine past reinforcing the toilet seat and buying some earplugs – but Ojani Noa knows, because he was married to Jennifer Lopez.
And Ojani Noa – being the kind, publicly-minded spirit that he is – had decided to let the whole world know what being married to Jennifer Lopez is like by writing a book all about her. But it's a book we'll never be able to read, because Jennifer Lopez has won an injunction banning Noa from ever disclosing personal secrets about her, and won $545,000 in arbitration from him as part of the lawsuit. It's a shame, because we were so excited about reading Ojani Noa's Jennifer Lopez book, especially the heart-rending passage where Ojani Noa realised that he could never spend the rest of his life with Jennifer Lopez because he kept being fooled by all the rocks that she got.
When Jennifer Lopez is with a man, she gives him her all; witness Jennifer Lopez becoming J-Lo throughout the Puff Daddy years to deflect attention from her boyfriend's ridiculous name, or the way Jennifer Lopez kindheartedly let Ben Affleck be in the video to Jenny From The Block and Gigli and Jersey Girl to bask in the resulting critical acclaim with her, or – if you must – the joint tour by Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony or that awful-looking film starring Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. But, despite all this, the second that Jennifer Lopez is done with a man, she likes to crush him.
Take Ojani Noa, for example. Ojani Noa and Jennifer Lopez were married for little over a year a decade ago before divorcing. Then Jennifer Lopez decided to employ Noa as the manager of her restaurant Madre's in 2002, only to sack him six months later. And now, to finish the hat-trick, Jennifer Lopez isn't letting Ojani Noa publish a book purportedly about what an awful slag she is.
Jennifer Lopez first sued Ojani Noa last spring after it was revealed that he was bringing out a 12-chapter ghost-written Jennifer Lopez book with the inexplicably dire title The Unknown Truth: A Passionate Portrayal Of A Serial Thriller. Lopez got to sue Noa because of a confidentiality agreement banning Noa from profiting from her personal secrets, and now it's all paid off to the tune of $545,000, as Reuters reports:
Singer-actress Jennifer Lopez has won roughly $545,000 in the arbitration of a lawsuit against her first husband over his plans to publish a tell-all book about the star, court documents showed on Wednesday. As part of the arbitrator's decision, Lopez also won a permanent injunction barring her ex-spouse, Ojani Noa, from disclosing intimate information about their relationship for personal gain…. "I just hope he respects the order of the court," said Paul Sorrell, attorney for Lopez. "If he doesn't, it won't be over." Lopez was awarded $200,000 in damages for breach of contract, $300,000 in attorneys' fees and nearly $48,000 in arbitration costs.
It's thought that Jennifer Lopez was so eager to stop the publication of Ojani Noa's book about her because of rumours that the book contained revelations about the multiple affairs that Jennifer Lopez apparently had while she was married to him – including one with an Anaconda co-star and one with Marc Anthony, the man that she's currently married to – that would hurt her reputation. Really? We sort of assumed that Jennifer Lopez's reputation was that of a highly-strung diva who'd shit in her mother's eye to achieve success, and Ojani Noa's book sort of strengthens that reputation if anything.
Now, if Ojani wrote a book about how Jennifer Lopez spent her days building splints for injured woodland creatures and spent her nights picking her nose and eating it, then that'd destroy her reputation – but stories about her allegedly shagging around probably wouldn't.
That splint-building, nose-picking Jennifer Lopez book is coming, by the way. We just have to figure out how to get Jennifer Lopez to marry us first.
Read more:
Lopez Gets $545,000 From Former Husband Over Tell-All Book Plans – Reuters