Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony Sort Of Get Married Again

If there’s one thing that Jennifer Lopez loves, it’s starring in hopeless romantic comedies that are only enjoyed by hairdressers and idiots.

But if there’s another thing that Jennifer Lopez loves, it’s getting married. Jennifer Lopez loves getting married so much that she’ll quite off marry someone completely unsuitable just so she can divorce him and get married to someone else a few months later.

However, Jennifer Lopez made quite the schoolboy error when she married Marc Anthony - a man she actually seems to quite like. Because now it looks like they’ll never get divorced and Jennifer Lopez won’t be able to feed her compulsive marriage addiction. Unless, of course, Jennifer Lopez opted for the methadone of the wedding world instead, and just pointlessly renewed her vows to Marc Anthony instead. So she’s done that.

Jennifer Lopez, as we think we probably just stated, loves weddings. She loves weddings so much that not only does she have it written into her contracts that all her movies have to end with a wedding regardless of whether they’re romantic comedies, revenge dramas about domestic abuse or weird bits of nonsense about her flying around inside a serial killer’s comatose brain.

Jennifer Lopez loves wedding so much that she’ll marry anyone. Literally anyone. People who’ll write books about her after they divorce, no-mark backup dancers. Anyone. Literally anyone. Well, not Ben Affleck, obviously. She’s not mental or anything.

Despite this, though, Jennifer Lopez seems to have found her soulmate in Marc Anthony. They do everything together - go on tour together, procreate together, make bad films together. Raise dogs to allegedly attack air stewardesses together. It’s sweet. But it means that Jennifer Lopez is less likely to divorce Marc Anthony and marry someone else who looks even more like Gollum.

It’s a predicament and no mistake - on one hand there’s eternal happiness with a man she loves and on the other hand is a new box of wedding gift napkin rings. How’s a girl supposed to decide between those two?

So Jennifer Lopez has opted for a happy compromise - this weekend, she renewed her marriage vows with Marc Anthony in a weird double ceremony with New York Mets outfielder Carlos Beltran in Las Vegas. People reports:

Wearing a black dress, Lopez looked “beautiful” as 12 people witnessed the ceremony, the source said. “Her parents didn’t even see it because they were with the babies.” Following the nuptials, a butler opened a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne for the newly re-married couples.

If that’s not the definition of romance, we don’t know what is. Dumping your kids on your parents so you can publicly treat your marriage like an expired insurance policy even though you only got married about five minutes ago anyway? Nice.

Oh, we’re just jealous. Really, we’re thrilled for Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. In fact, we think that they should go away somewhere exotic to renew their marriage vows every single week. Because that’d probably stop Jennifer Lopez from making any more bad films or songs, and that way we sort of all get something out of it.