According to highly scientific calculations, Jennifer Lopez has been pregnant for anywhere between 12 and 15 years.
Or rather Jennifer Lopez was pregnant – last night Jennifer Lopez gave birth to the twin babies – a boy and a girl – that she's been expecting since the summer of 1963.
Not a whole lot is known about Jennifer Lopez's twins yet – it's only been a matter of hours since they were born, after all. However, judging by the size of Jennifer Lopez in the latter stages of her pregnancy, we can safely assume that each twin was the size of a fully-grown overweight nightclub bouncer from Dagenham by the time it shawshanked out of her birth canal.
It's not a great time to have a baby, all said. Everyone from Halle to Jessica to Nicole to Angelina is also so busy being pregnant that there's something of a baby overkill at the moment, as evidenced by the way that everyone's already sick of Christina Aguilera's baby.
However, it's probably safe to assume that Jennifer Lopez got pregnant for herself instead of her fans, otherwise she'd have announced the pregnancy early instead of keeping quiet and letting everyone think that she had some sort of disgusting lard cyst growing inside her. And she would have mentioned that she was pregnant with twins herself instead of letting her Dad blab it to everyone.
And, immediately after giving birth, Jennifer Lopez would have emerged red-faced and exhausted through the hospital's front door holding a baby aloft in each hand by their ankles and roaring "Look what I have accomplished! I am a GOD!" But she didn't. Jennifer Lopez just let a gossip magazine break the news of her giving birth to twins instead. Reuters reports:
Jennifer Lopez and husband Marc Anthony became the parents of twins early on Friday in a New York-area hospital, according to People magazine, which reportedly paid upward of $6 million for the photo rights. The boy and girl, delivered in a Long Island, New York, hospital, were the first for the 38-year-old actress and singer, whose efforts to become pregnant have filled tabloid pages in the past few years.
We'd like to honestly congratulate Jennifer Lopez here, because a boy and a girl is the jackpot twin combination that all parents dream of. Not only does it mean that it's harder to mix them up with each other and give them crippling life-long identity issues, but you can also be certain that they won't grow up to pose tit-to-tit on the front cover of a low-rent sub-porn lad's mag like all other twins inevitably end up doing.
The next few days will be an exciting time for Jennifer Lopez and her twins. Jennifer Lopez will have to name them and try to get used to the nerve-wracking feeling of unconditional love that she has for them. More importantly, though, Jennifer Lopez will make her new twins earn her money! Work! Earn it! Mummy wants a yacht from this! A yacht!
Read more:
euclid says
The stars are on a campaign
to carpet the world with babies.
Starbabies. Good thing P-Doh
can’t figure out where to put it.
Maybe he and Whinehorse could
team up for a Crackstarbaby.
Apologies to all; I’m off my game.
Josh P says
First J.Lo Baby pics? http://www.973kissfm.com/pages/russ2.html
landy says
awesome!! i am so glad. I bet they are going to be so cute (i bet)…
I can’t wait to see pictures!!!!
this is so cute:
http://www.starvsstar.tv/