When hecklerspray was at school, studying Shakespeare had it’s ups and downs. One big upside was watching Zeffirelli’s film version of Romeo And Juliet (DVDs), mainly because you got to see a girl’s tit for a fifth of a microsecond. When you’re 14, that’s a big deal.

A downside was that we also had to watch another Shakespeare movie. The Scottish play. We can’t say the name of it, because it’s unlucky. Oh, screw it. We have no fear of luck. It was Macbeth. There, nothing bad happened. Macbeth Macbeth Macbeth! (Cue comedy unlucky incident and much cheap hilarity)

The Polanski film of Macbeth (DVDs) was mostly notable for starring Keith Chegwin
in his pre-alcoholic days, as a small boy that rides a horse. And a man
got his head cut off. And that’s all we can remember. Anyway, it was
rubbish and not as good as Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (DVDs).

Anyway, a new Macbeth film is being made, and this time it’s going to appeal to schoolboys across the land, because the Incredible Hulk‘s
girlfriend is going to be in it. That’s right, the star of the most
graphically harrowing double-ended vibrator scene in cinema history, Jennifer Connelly (DVDs), has signed up to take part.

Although she hasn’t confirmed the role she’ll be playing, it’s being widely speculated that she’s going to be Lady Macbeth. Connelly will be starring opposite Philip Seymour Hoffman (DVDs) in the film, directed by Todd Louiso (DVDs), who was the funny older brother of a young tennis champ in the early nineties teatime Channel 4 sitcom Phenom.

Louiso wants the film to reflect the "psychological torment" and "brute eroticism" of the play. Anyone who remembers Phenom will be left in no doubt that he is totally capable of both.

hecklerspray has a good feeling about this adaptation. It’s already a thousand times better than the remake of A Midsummer Night’s Dream (DVDs) that Ally McBeal
was in, and it hasn’t even been made yet. All that’s left is to give
Cheggers a role as a naked gameshow host, and it’ll be perfect.

The roles of the three witches have also yet to be cast. Who do you think should play them? We’re lobbying for Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Jennifer Lopez. Leave your suggestions below.

Find all sorts of bargain Shakespeare stuff at Kelkoo.co.uk

[story by Stuart Heritage]