You heard that right – when questioned about her private life, Jennifer Aniston didn’t launch into a lengthy rant about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and Bermuda Triangles and sunsets and screaming at the sea – Jennifer Aniston didn’t say a single word. So that means that Jennifer Aniston is getting married to Vince Vaughn. Or she isn’t. Or something.
Jennifer Aniston never learns. She’s always complaining about people intruding on her private life – the Brad Pitt thing, the Vince Vaughn thing, the, uh, homeless burglar
thing – but it’s like she hasn’t realised that if she keeps making
terrible films that have nothing interesting going for them (Derailed,
Rumour Has It) people are only going to ask about Jennifer Aniston’s
Jennifer Aniston is about to star in Friends With Money, another
dull-looking drama. So when she, Catherine Keener and Joan Cusack
appeared on the Today show, host Jill Rappaport decided to ditch all
the boring questions about Jennifer Aniston’s character preparation and ask
Aniston straight out whether rumours of Oprah Winfrey throwing a lavish
$8 million wedding for Jennifer Aniston and boozy driving boyfriend Vince Vaughn were true.
Nothing. Not a peep came from the mouth of Jennifer Aniston. She was silent. Silent like Katie Holmes giving birth. Seconds
went by, then minutes. Entire galaxies formed and died before Keener
decided to step in and help Jennifer out by ticking off Rappaport with:
"I thought you weren’t going to go there, but you did."
Rappaport, ever the quick-witted professional, came back with:
frustrating because those rumours do get out there… when you hear
about an $8 million wedding, you’d like to be invited."
To which Keener replied:
"And now you won’t be."
we’re sure. But, although we’re no closer to discovering if this
Jennifer Aniston/ Vince Vaughn wedding rumour is true, maybe this
silence trick is going to be a long term Jennifer Aniston tactic. Imagine no more half-baked Jennifer Aniston interviews in Newsweek, no more kerfuffle about the pictures of Jennifer Aniston topless, and we’ll even be spared all the gloating over Brad Pitt being miserable in Paris.
Actually, that makes us quite sad. If you need us, we’ll be throwing ourselves a Jennifer Aniston-style pity party in the back.
[story by Stuart Heritage]