Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were perhaps the greatest couple ever, given that they’re both carefree, fun-loving, girl-haired attention-seekers.
And that’s why, when Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer broke up earlier this year, the world slipped into a deep gloom. For instance, you know how the stock market collapsed and capitalism ended and food and fuel prices suddenly surged and the environment’s on the brink of disaster and we’re all going to die of bird flu? Yeah, that all happened because Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer split up. It’s true.
However, it’s time to get out the bunting because now Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back together! And if they’re not back together, then they’ve almost certainly been caught with their tongues wedged right the way down each other’s gullet in an airport in front of everyone. So, you know, get the bunting out once the waves of nausea have subsided. There’s no rush.
Say what you like about Brad Pitt, but he does love a woman who can shamelessly whore out her entire live to promote a movie. His current squeeze Angelina Jolie does this by buying her children weapons every time she’s got a film out, but even that’s no match for the level of dedication shown by his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston.
Jennifer Aniston is the queen of movie promotion. She loves promoting movies so much that when she made The Break-Up she got together with her co-star during filming just so they could break up during The Break-Up‘s DVD promotion. That’s literal commitment so strong you can only breathe a sigh of relief that the film wasn’t called Doing A Poo In The Road Next To Some Crying Children.
And now Jennifer Aniston has two movies coming out shortly – He’s Just Not That Into You and Marley & Me. Dating her co-stars was out for both of these – The five leads in He’s Just Not That Into You are all female and being a lesbian is gross, and her co-star in Marley & Me is Owen Wilson, which wouldn’t exactly be a bundle of giggles – but it’s OK because Jennifer Aniston has a plan B.
And that’s John Mayer. Oh, come on. John Mayer. He went out with Jennifer Aniston briefly in the summer before they split up about five seconds later. You know, girly hair. Foppish-looking. When he’s in public with Jennifer Aniston he looks like a little boy out with his inappropriately sexual mother. Yeah, that’s the one.
Well, apparently Jennifer Aniston is back with John Mayer again. Because they were both seen at an airport totally making out and being all like ‘unng-unng-uh-uh’ with their tongues all over each other. Totally. The National Enquirer said so:
“They were very lovey-dovey. They kissed several times and hugged each other tightly. John gave her a long, lingering kiss… Jennifer was in New York doing some shopping before she starts promotional work for her new movies. John was relaxing after finishing his international tour, and they hooked up.“
Is it just us, or did anyone else expect that description to wander into Mills & Boon territory? ‘They hugged each other tightly. John gave her a long, lingering kiss. The touch of his fingertips brought a spike of desire to her very core. She gasped with pleasure as he wantonly ran his fingers along the top of her silk unmentionables…’
Anyway, don’t get too excited about the prospect of a full-on Jennifer Ansiton/John Mayer reunion, because these reports are all completely unconfirmed. For all we know, that wasn’t even Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer kissing anyway – it could have just been two people who look like Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, or a rudimentary papier mache sculpture of a woman and a pretty mop.
No, we don’t know which one would be who either.
Sarah says
umm, things are all good over here again. i think it happened last saturday? not sure because i wasn’t paying attention, just looked up one day and noticed gas is back, and cheaper, and the dow or nasdaq something had some kind of historic rebound. or something like that. i dunno.