It’s not been the best of months for poor old Jennifer Aniston (DVDs). And we’ve barely clocked up a week of it yet.
First, her former fella Brad Pitt (DVDs ) shags Angelina Jolie (DVDs) with such force she wakes up the whole of Africa. Then he says he’s moving to London to be closer to the Tomb Raider, presumably so they can reguarly have sex on the tarmac outside Jolie’s London home. Evidently he’s heard about kindly respectful paparazzi and wants to test the water.
But where does this leave Jennifer, apart from on a sun lounger crossing the UK off her list of places to return to anytime within the next century?
The Sun newspaper reports she "cut a sad figure as she left London to fly home alone to LA on Sunday night".
The sympathy boat definitely wades in shallow water here. Our heart goes out to any jilted lover, except a) those who deserved it for being neglectful or b) were crap in bed. Which neatly leads us to why the pretty-boy git left her in the first place.
We can’t comment on all the redtop rumours and so-called ‘exclusives’ many butt kissing celebrity magazines are running at the moment, because it’d take ages and mean we’d actually have to read them too. Though we are free to ponder exactly which of the above categories Aniston falls into…
Jennifer Aniston is stunning looking. Dodgy pre-Friends years now just a torn out page in her photo album, Jen will surely no trouble tracking down a new mate.
And it might even be you.
Picture the scene, you’re at a friend’s wedding reception. His future bride is better looking than any of the previous girlfriends you’ve managed to lock in your house for longer than a week. Your friend’s all full of "I’m the luckiest guy in the world" and "she’s my soul mate", all that in-law friendly flimflam guys like to spurt when they’re head’s on the chopping block.
Then you arrive, arm and arm, smug like a guy who’s just taken his car into the garage only to be told the tyres are perfect and the tracking doesn’t need doing. Who would you rather step into the fray with, goddess Jolie or Aniston? Really, think about it, it’s difficult.
Our jury’s hung more than Dirk Diggler (DVDs) in a heatwave over this one. Though we will say Jennifer Aniston’s never had a knife fetish or been into using her own blood as a biro substitute. And that’s gotta be worth something when you forget to leave the seat down.
Cheer up Jennifer. At least those topless shots of you on the internet are getting much harder to find.
[story by Chris Laverty]
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
jennifer dont worry im your biggest fan ever and hopefully you and brad will get back together
jennifer dont worry im your biggest fan ever and hopefully you and brad will get back together
jennifer dont worry im your biggest fan ever and hopefully you and brad will get back together
Dear Jen: Always remember that trials happen for a reason. Although sometimes, we don’t get answers to why they happen. But I tell you that we can know how to get through them if we turn to Him.
Stay strong Jen no matter what lies ahead. Just remember that you ARE the only one that REALLY stole Brad’s Heart. Hearing all those sex gossip crap with Jolie will NOT fully satisfy or complete him. Together or not I know there is not a single minute of the day when he doesn’t think about you. Take it day by day…..
Why don’t people just leave her alone. If newpapers don’t have anything nice to say about her just don’t say anything. You are so cruel to her, Why?
So much bullshit… *yawns* Who believes this shit anyway??
Jennifer is Stunning?? Really? She looks weird in every picture I’ve seen her in, Jolie is Stunning! She is a goddess, you are right about that.
Angelina has been very vocal about her sex life. She has stated she has had sex with several of her movie co stars regardless of gender. She was hurt once during sex using knives. Let not forget about the blood in a vile around her neck. French kissing her brother. She is a humanitarian…she needs to do something to counter balance her disgusting life. Brad u r an idiot for being lured by fake breasts and big lips. Mark my words Brad will be in the “pitts” with this relationship and Jen will come out on top. I’m not saying Jen and Brad’s marriage was not in trouble…I am saying Angelina spread her @@@@ and he came running. Will never see another Jolie movie again. What a whore!
huuuuge idiot galî….
Kristin, please get your facts right before slagging anyone off.
Where the hell did you see tongue when Jolie kissed her brother – I was watching, I sure as hell didn’t see it. She has actually slept with very few people, it is possible to be a sexual person without being a slut. The “several co-stars” you talk about, she married BOTH of them, and as for Jenny Shimizu, are you homophobic? The “fake breasts” you talk about are also REAL, watch Gia or Taking Lives…she has her own boobs. The only fake boobs she had, she returned at the end of every shooting day for Tombraider 1.
NO-ONE knows the facts of the break-up other than Brad and Jen. The signs of their break up have been around since before Mr & Mrs Smith came along. Stop believing everything you read and start using your brain.
Tia, I do have my facts straight and she did have a breast augmentation which she admitted to. She is known as the black widow for a reason. You accuse me of believing everything I read and to start using my brain. Unless Angelina contacted you personally your information is taken from the same place everyone else’s is you know what get your head out of the sand you naive twit and start using your brain. Angelina Jolie has had a reputation for several years. She is a freak. Because she can act people seem to forgive her idiosyncrasies. Tia if you had a coworker who came to work with a vile of blood around their neck filled with their lovers blood what would you think? Please don’t pretend to be a nonjudgemental idiot we all are and she puts it out there. She is a slut has always been and will always be. As far as Brad and Jen, I am sure they had problems mature people in a relationship always do..having Jolie spread her legs certainly obstructed his view. Brad is an idiot. What goes around comes around when you send out bad karma like sleeping with someone’s husband you get back bad karma. Both Brad and Angelina have done wrong, not saying marriage was great but then walk away than play.
Get MY head out of the sand? Yes I accuse you of believing everything you read…your reply proves it. Yes, I get some of my information from where you and every other person does, but I also get if from another source. If we are going to by your information, then tell me – Where is the undeniable evidence of them EVER having an affair and where are all the articles from the guys (and girls) who have had a sex romp with Angelina?
I know of one person she is currently seeing and I know of one person who she has feelings for. NEITHER of them is Brad. Pay closer attention to the people she is ACTUALLY with, and not the people she is “linked” to.
Just as you have your sources so do I. So tell you what you give me your source of One person and not Brad and I will give you my source. Time will tell Tia and then you will have to eat crow! Get your knife and fork ready!!!
You have not given any information that I have not already seen in the tabloids, I call your bluff.
Oh no my friend I am not playing that game….I call YOUR BLUFF…you may want some ketchup…I hear it goes well with crow!
Excuse me, but your “So tell you what you give me your source of One person and not Brad and I will give you my source” was the beginning of your so called “game”. You’re not 10 years old, so stop trying to pull a child’s trick.
In any of your last posts you have not given ANY information or even a hint of having information that you haven’t already stated as coming directly from magazines/papers/internet. Let me just refresh your memory to stop you from continuing down this childish path. This is your post – “Unless Angelina contacted you personally your information is taken from the same place everyone else’s is…”
Angelina and I share a mutual aquaintance through UNHCR.
Game, Set and Match.
I am certain that Angelina is giving your mutual aquaintance the truth and nothing but the truth. I mean after all she is very trustworthy….Just because your an adultress doesn’t mean your a liar right?
But go back to your friend and you can tell her that I am related to one of the parties involved and that you my friend have been misled. GAME, SET and MATCH!
Sure you are.
Emeline, get a life.
Kristin, I concur with you. Aniston is a weird-looking grizzly bear.
Scotsgirl, you also get a life. What the fuck do u know about someone else’s personal life? What does someone’s PAST reputation have anything to do with the NOW?! Reputations are stupid conjectures anyway. You’re saying people can’t change?! Are you saying our pres. is still a druggie cuz he did cocaine in the PAST? And what’s wrong with having a knife obsession anyway?! There are people who MAKE them and USE them to cut YOUR VEGETABLES AND MEAT for YOU to EAT. what about all the swordsman in our history? What about all the big knives that were used to machete our way across the wilderness to build YOUR HOME? It’s not like she used them to kill anything! And what’s wrong with a blood vial?! Is that REALLY the most nasty thing ever to occur on this planet?! Sure, wearing blood vials is WORSE than INCEST, or BESTALITIES or GENOCIDE, etc. It’s abominably sinful and breaking all the commandments. Tia’s right; you are isolated and all your info is ridiculously incorrect. (How did you ever make it through school? (It’s like u read 2+2=4, but your brain processed that as 2+2=2,354,887.) Please e-mail me at feijf@sdfkj.com, no, not eaifj@askdfj.com as your brain processed that as. nm, u’ll never get it.) And how do u know that Jolie spread her @@@@ (btw, please clarify what ‘@@@@’ is at the above mentioned e-mail add. o, nm, u’ll never get it. did u mean, ‘legs’? for ur info, ‘legs’ isn’t one of those four letter words.) Are you God or something and see everything? For your information, not that you can process it correctly or anything, BRAD PITT IS NOT AN IDIOT. He made the smartest move of his life for stealing Angelina when he had the chance. He seized opportunity like a genius unlike aniston who didn’t have kids with Pitt when she had a chance. BTW, scottyman, would you rather date a person who is out and about trying to save the world from poverty, hunger, and despair (and who happens to be amazingly beautiful) or would you rather date someone who prefers to stay home all day (notice how i’m using your method here, of making stupid conjectures that aniston stays home all day when i have perfectly no freaking idea whether she does or not, (btw, i’m fighting fire with fire here, not that u’d be able to remember what i just wrote and regurgitate it)) and doesn’t listen to what you have to say (and happens to be quite PLAIN AND BORING AND SLOW-MINDED AS A MATTER OF FACT just like someone i know cough cough hint hint, i’m really sorry you couldn’t get that). AND BTW, what have you done in ur pitiful life (here i’m not making any conjectures cuz i just KNOW you have failed in life). Do you give away a huge percentage of ur disgusting income for a good cause and go into war-ridden countries to battle against some of the world’s actually IMPORTANT ISSUES like HUNGER, DISEASE, POVERTY, ETC.?! What makes you someone to judge someone as a WHORE?! I DEMAND THAT YOU READ THIS ARTICLE OVER 50 MILLION TIMES (not that you’d get it even after that many times, but’s its a try repeats are ok sweetie-pie, if u still have trouble, i suggest u go back into ur mummy’s womb) AND PRINT A MILLION COPIES OF THIS AWESOME POST AND HANG IT ALL AROUND UR DWELLING SO THAT YOU’LL NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER FORGET HOW WRONG YOU WERE, ARE, AND ALWAYS WILL BE AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER POST ANYTHING AGAIN CUZ UR JUST REALLY REALLY ANNOYING.
(coughloser)
fin
Josephine….anger issues? Get some help!
no no, scottyboy, i just think stupid people should have become extinct by now.
wow…..you really are quite offensive. As well as threatening! Certain people should be extinct by now. You accuse Tia of thinking she is God. No anger issues…you better look again you psycho!
(why do i bother…….do i really have to explain everything to you? even though you’d never get it? it’s like talking to a wall. even a wall has more passion….sigh)
dear lord old man, read the article 50mil times repeated 10 to the 50mil power and…
no…..nonononononono…no..(puts hand on forehead), scottydude, PLEASE STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF WITH INCORRECT INFORMATION. ARE YOU A MASOCHIST OR SOMETHING?! I’m on TIA’S SIDE! I’M NOT STUPID LIKE YOU! WHY WOULD I INSULT SOMEONE ON MY OWN SIDE?! IT WOULD MAKE ALL THE SENSE IN THE WORLD TO EVERYONE (EXCEPT TO U OF COURSE WHOSE WIRING IS SCREWED BEYOND SCREWED) TO INSULT THE OPPOSITION! U STILL DON’T GET IT?! I WAS ACCUSING U OF THINKING U WERE GOD! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! I WAS ACCUSING U! sigh. u’ll never get it. giv up scottysheep.
just the fact that u couldn’t contest (u don’t have the BRAINS to anyway) to my AWESOME POST means that u have run out of comebacks, wait u never had any. damn, y am i arguing with a lame old geezard/loser? and u have LOST.
goodbye MASOCHIST / SOMEONE WHO LIKES TO EMBARRASS THEMSELVES!
PS: u were wrong in TWICE in LESS THAN THREE
SENTENCES! AMAZING FEAT! u shoulda made the guinness book world records for the most erroneous person ever to set foot on this planet. when did i ever threaten anyone? i think u have PDD.
goodbye twit with Persecutory Delusional Disorder / MASOCHIST. btw, a masochist is someone who likes to hurt themselves or be hurt by others for sexual gratification (to feel good) becuz u didn’t know, don’t know, and will never know.
Seacrest, out
Josephine..STOP YELLING! you have way too much time on your hands. Get a job! Get a life. You obviously do have anger issues. To spend so much time and energy on this is indicative of a poor lonely woman. I am deleting this website from my favorites as I do not wish to continue having a conversation with someone so low on the evolutionary scale. So go ahead yell all you want I will no longer be responding. Get the last word in, as I am certain that is what is important to you. It ususally is with immature people. Please on a serious note get some help.
obviously, Brad is a cheater and Jolie is a whore. No doubt, cuz cheating with a married man is the worst thing a woman can do. SHE is a complete WHORE.
Cheating with a married man is actually not the worst thing a woman could do. Brad and Angelina are in love the ugly dog jennifer filed for divorce way before those 2 were together. Jennifer Aniston will alway’s be Brad Pitts big mistake. David in the bible, JFK and Michal Landon all commited adultry they are all wonderful people Brad pitt and Angelina Jolie are beautiful wonderful people who did what they did for love which is very morale and positive.