Everyone detests having a boil. They?ll randomly appear and cause you a brief bit of pain. As an added bonus to people who scratch and pick at them furiously, you\’ll get the chance to see blood and pus fly everywhere.
Jedward are like a boil – you think they've gone back to where they've come from. But they always come back to haunt you.
It was during the 2009 series of X Factor that the world was introduced to Jedward. You couldn't love them unless you were unfortunately related to them as they frankly terrible at everything. For a show that focussed heavily on finding someone who could sing and pull off a basic dance routine, they lasted for ages even though they failed in these key areas. Saying that, they were coached by Louis Walsh who has made a career of managing rubbish acts like Westlife. Now they’re back to haunt us with another musical pleb, Vanilla Ice.
If you truly couldn't have found anything to do last week, your last resort would have been to watch the National Television Awards where Jedward performed. What's that? You didn't see it and want to recap the craziness of it now? Oh go on, here it is:
Without a shadow of a doubt this steaming dog turd of a song will get to number one. It's almost guaranteed really. Have you not thought about it? Well we have down in our laboratory where we do all sorts of stuff that involve thinking, sandwiches and beer:
1) All of the idiots who love and lol at Jedward will go out and buy to make sure it gets to number one. As we all remember, poor Geordie boy Joe McElderry was the victim of a Facebook campaign to get him off the top spot for Christmas. He later rose to number one, but not on first week sales. Even though he sold more records then the previous winner Alexandra Burke.
2) The people on Facebook who have too much time on their hands will probably see this as another ironic thing to unleash on to the charts. Why not let the most pointless and stupid record at the moment go to number one and make a mockery of real music? After all, Rage Against The Machine probably weren't known to the thousands of people who ended up downloading it. They just wanted to be cool and follow the crowd.
Of course, Jedward getting to number one wouldn't be the worst aspect of the whole release. Surely enough it's the fact the big-haired twonk Brian May will again see another song sample his hit Under Pressure. After all, that's what Vanilla Ice did. Is this a re-release of a re-release making it a re-re-release? Urgh, our heads hurt. Anyway, Jedward’s mentor Louis Walsh told the Daily Mail:
?Jedward really captured the public?s imagination whilst on The X Factor and love them or hate them you can't deny that they were the talking point of the series. As Under Pressure was the track that really catapulted the boys to fame it seemed only fitting to release the song as their first single.?
The digital release of Under Pressure hits the internet on the January 31 and a physical CD is released on 15 February, conveniently when the X Factor live tour starts. However, it looks everyone isn't thrilled with the success of Jedward. In particular, the One Show host Christine Bleakley. She is quickly becoming our favourite person as she reportedly told them back stage at the NTAs that:
?You paint a bad picture of Ireland.?
That might be true Christine, but they still come second to Bono.
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Izzi says
Okay… What if you actually like the twins? They are funny and THEY CAN SING!!! I have a music docterate and I think they are at least marginally better than Lloyd Daniels. And Joe lets his voice too loose, ie he warbles way too much, he must control that or he will disappear, mot unlike Shane Ward.
I am not a teenager, I am 31 and I teach in a school; music, art and drama.
I also just happen to be a triplet.
Don’t “dis”!
magnetite says
Public executions captured the imagination of the public for quite some time. I imagine the same grannies and gamins who enjoyed those are the people who don’t want Jedward to die a fiting death now.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this. I think I just wanted to see the words ‘Jedward’ and ‘public executions’ in the same paragraph.
They look good together, don’t they?
ongatar says
Hey, what happened to Hecklers
lighty333 says
one thing is wrong Joe did not sell more records then Alexandra Burke Hallelujah. Hallelujah is the biggest X factor song to date and broke numerous records
Jacqui says
Hey, hey hey hey.
Get of yo’ high horse. I agree with ongatar, what happened?
I thought you could see the funny side of things? :/
Owell. Guess I was a little mistaken.
If liking Jedward makes me an ‘idiot’, as you so put it, then so be it.
Rather an idiot than a grump, anyday. ;)
x
Jo says
Don’t care much what Jedward do now or ever but I detest this journalistic habit of merging two names into one. Now that’s off my chest, Alexandra Burke murdered Hallelujah. Check out the Jeff Buckley or even the Leonard Cohen versions to hear it sang with heart and soul instead of $$$ signs flashing.
Abbie says
There new single is awesome ive heard it,belive me its so cool
Abbie says
Thats the best the anwser i hae seen, i could not have put it better myself, i do wonder why the hatred is so intense, have they hurt anybody no, like simon said if people like they like them, if people buy there cds then let them, they are in no way offensive, completly harmless, haters are obssed wit them why?
Jacqui says
THANK YOU.
Finally someone who agrees.
Alexandra Burke completely mauled Hallelujah. It was a disgrace. Jeff Buckley’s version was amazing, and Alex doesn’t even compare to him.
<3
Keith says
Dance and music a reason to joy….great one..
Wench. says
“I also just happen to be a triplet.”
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK.
I like the colour green.
linda says
Well you know what they say… Those that can, do and those that can’t teach! lol Also not to be rude but what exactly does being a triplet have to do with it?