Summer just isn’t summer without a few establishing factors. Good weather. The inevitable Katie Price autobiography/perfume.
People drinking cider with no apparent shame. Beloved icons of our childhoods dying in tawdry and depressing ways (although that’s been autumn, winter and spring too).
But everyone knows summer can’t really start until two black holes of musical ability release a stompy, braying, call-and-response cover of a song that wasn’t very good in the first place.
Well, spritz yourself with Katie Price’s Stunning and start scrumping for apples, because Jedward are HERE TO SAVE SUMMER with their cover of Blink-182‘s All the Small Things!
We told you. We told you. We told you that John Edward Grimes and his brother, Edward John Grimes, were geniuses the moment they and their hair appeared on X Factor. You laughed. You mocked us. You made disparaging remarks about the size of our genitalia. Sometimes, and this is what hurt the most, you said nothing at all.
But that’s all in the past because we were RIGHT: John and Edward are brilliant. Not only have they just completed a 27-date sell-out tour of Ireland, they’re also releasing a debut single, redefining the word ‘debut’.
In the bad old days of pre-Jedward entertainment terminology, ‘debut single’ meant ‘first single’. But now and forevermore, ‘debut single’ will mean ‘second single; the one released after that one we did with Vanilla Ice, even though he comes across as a creepy blind paedophile now’.
THAT’S HOW BRILLIANT JOHN AND EDWARD ARE.
Even the press are now deferring to Jedward’s might with questions that could otherwise be answered with a quick Google or a trip down memory lane:
“Jedward have confirmed that their new single ‘All The Small Things’ is a cover of the Blink-182 hit.”
Imagine the carnage and confusion that might have ensued had Jedward not cleared that up. You mark our words, it won’t be long before they are brought in to consult on the economy.
Anyway, back to the single. Edward out of John and Edward announced its release on Twitter:
“In the studio and #allthesmallthings is such a rock pop song! we were recording and we were rocking out and john punched me in the face”
Rocking out! Punched in the face! See? Genius!
For those of you who don’t actually remember All The Small Things when it was released in 2000 because you weren’t born, or because you have ears, here’s some exclusive footage publicly available on YouTube of Jedward performing the song live in Galway:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh6Oc6j-21Q
Wow. That’s quite powerful stuff right there. “When I go ‘na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na’ you go ‘na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na’, okay? Okay, ‘na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na’….”
All The Small Things comes out on 19th July. We can’t wait.