Jay-Z’s Releases Boring New Song to Remind Us Who’s In Charge

jay-zzIn the new song, “Open Letter,” Jay-Z reminds the world that he is not to be fucked with. The song specifically slams the politicians who speculated about the legality of Jay’s recent trip to Cuba as well as those who question the legitimacy of his new sports management company … but leaves room enough to make it clear to anyone … and everyone … exactly who’s in charge.

Do not challenge this man. He has the means, the talent, and the balls to stand up and fight.

By now everyone on earth knows that Jay and Bey visited Cuba earlier this month to celebrate their wedding anniversary and a few grumpy politicians got their panties in a knot, because the U.S. upholds an embargo with Cuba that precludes tourist visits there by U.S. citizens.

Did they seriously think such a high profile couple … who are keenly aware that their every move is documented by the press … would be that stupid? The lyrics of “Open Letter” directly mocks their underestimation.

“Politicians never did shit for me / Except lie to me, distort history / Wanna give me jail time and a fine / Fine, let me commit a real crime.”

Even after having their asses handed to them by Jay’s rebuttal … corroborated by the Treasury Department’s confirmation that that it had sanctioned the couple’s trip … those cranky politicians still wouldn’t let it go. In their eyes, the song’s lyrics raised even further questions, because they suggest that the Cuba trip was actually approved by the President, whom Jay and Beyoncé have very publicly supported.

“Boy from the hood, but got White House clearance. … Obama said, ‘Chill, you gonna get me impeached / But you don’t need this shit anyway / Chill with me on the beach.'”

When asked to comment on the song’s implications, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney directly clarified the President’s role.

“The White House, from the president on down, had nothing to do with anybody’s … travel to Cuba. That is something that Treasury handles.”

Carney also summarily dismissed the literal interpretation of the lyrics by cleverly pointing out that “nothing rhymes with Treasury.”

So with that issue handled, the song moves on to mock those who speculate about Jay’s intention to sell his ownership stake in his beloved Brooklyn Nets.

“Would’ve brought the Nets to Brooklyn for free Except I made millions off it, you fuckin’ dweeb /  I still own the building, I’m still keeping my seat /  Y’all buy that bullshit, you’d better keep y’all receipt.”

And there you have it. The message of the song is quite clear. Do not underestimate Mr. Carter. The world’s under new management.

JayZ-Swizz-Timbo-Open-Letter

 

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