Aww, a newly-wed couple, isn’t it a wholesome sight to see?
They say love will last forever between couples who are destined to be soulmates, or in the case of many UK women, until a footballer’s money runs out. Jay-Z and Beyoncé have a problem based on their career choice of being musicians. While they’re not locked away in a studio, they are off around the globe touring at various gigs and festivals.
It appears that poor Jay-Z is missing his darling wife so much, he’s turned into a love-struck puppy. At a recent gig in Nigeria, he asked on his rider for a melon to be split in half and transformed in to a replica of his wife’s boobies. We just have one question: Are Beyoncé’s boobs green, sweet and edible?
At the Africa Rising concert in Abuja, Jay-Z made his strange request. Now, we’re not ones to criticise and point out the obvious, but if he missed the sight of his wife’s boobs so much, why did he not whip out his diamond encrusted blinged-up phone and look at a mucky photo? Or failing that, get her to send one? Mobile technology is a wonderful thing.
Maybe Jay-Z is just incorporating two of his favorite things together, fruit and ladies’ naked bits. If we had it our way, we’d incorporate pancakes and bowling together, but sadly we aren’t totally sure how that would work. Back to the drawing board for that one.
Even still, how long did it take Jay-Z to find the perfect melon that was a spitting image of his wife’s boobs? Did he get one hundred melons cut in half and simply pick the two that most resembled them? Or did he fly in a specially-trained melon carver to slowly and delicately hack away under his instruction until the job was done?
Because Jay-Z has no time at all, he opted to get someone else to carve the image. But the best thing about this story, to make it even weirder, is that the carver was given a mould to work from.
A bloody mould! We realise that some people may miss their partner dearly, but using some sort of body cast to replicate a piece of them is considered stalking in some countries.
What’s next? Is Beyoncé going to get a mould cast of Jay-Z’s winky so when’s she bored and alone at night she can replicate his todger in broccoli?
Rob Delaney says
ewwwwww.
gir says
Frankly I’m not eating any replica Beyonce boobs, I want the real thing; still warm from the flow of blood just previously halted, the ragged edge of torn flesh hanging over the edge of the plate, the side salad,…
Dammit, now my mouth is watering.