Jay-Z & Beyonce Definitely Getting Married, Probably

The ongoing will they/won't they marriage flap between Jay-Z and Beyonce has literally got like six people quite near the edge of their seats.

Every couple of months there'll be a story about how Jay-Z and Beyonce secretly got married in a far-off country, only for it to be shot down later by people bored enough to actually check up on these things.

But now? Now Jay-Z and Beyonce are definitely going to get married because they've just taken out a marriage license. That's right - at some point over the next 60 days there's definitely going to be a Jay-Z wedding. We'd suggest it takes place on May 14th - because there's nothing more romantic than a wedding that takes place on the 212th anniversary of the smallpox vaccination being first administered.

Now that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's recent wedding has been dismissed as hooey, we can all safely turn out attention to our next-favourite never-quite-married unmarried couple, Jay-Z and Beyonce - aka the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie of the 'music that makes white people bite their bottom lip when they dance to it' world. 

Jay-Z and Beyonce have long teased us with their refusal to get married like a proper couple. Nobody knows why Jay-Z and Beyonce haven't got married - perhaps Beyonce is worried that Jay-Z won't be so quick to do little 30-second raps in the middle of her songs once he's married her, or perhaps it's because Jay-Z doesn't want to give up hope of being able to give Rihanna a good seeing to just yet - but still the rumours keep surfacing.

In 2006 there were reports that Jay-Z and Beyonce were getting married on a boat in the Caribbean, and then in 2007 there were reports that Jay-Z and Beyonce had got married in France while a grubby man tattooed their fingers. Both reports turned out to be false, but now Jay-Z and Beyonce are definitely, definitely, 100%, honestly getting married. Perhaps. MTV reports:

Beyoncé Knowles and Jay-Z have taken out a marriage license in Scarsdale, New York, a source reportedly told People.com. The pair obtained the license, which is valid for 60 days in New
York State, on Tuesday morning (April 1), according to the report. A source reportedly told UsMagazine.com on Tuesday that the couple have told friends they would like to marry in May after Jay-Z's tour with Mary J Blige ends. "Jay is trying to pull it together quickly and on the fly to
keep it private," the source told the site. "They really wanted it to
be private."

Ha, private schmivate! Now the secret's out and everyone knows that Jay-Z will get married to Beyonce at some point over the next 60 days. Unless, of course, the whole report was an April Fool's prank by Jay-Z and Beyonce to trick the public, in which case it's probably the biggest April Fool's prank that nobody really cares one way or the other about ever.

But if Beyonce really is marrying Jay-Z, then let's all pray that she gets a decently worded pre-nup. After all, if they ever divorce we'd hate to see her starve on the streets because she didn't get her share of the money that Jay-Z earnt hawking all that hokey crap of his.

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Jay-Z And Beyonce Take Out Marriage License: Reports - MTV