Like Johnson, he records songs for which the videos, by law, have to be set in exotic surfing hotspots such as Hawaii. Jason Mraz albums are aspirational chill-out accessories for people who buy music based on whether they’ve heard it on a mobile phone advert.
Jason Mraz’s music is the kind of thing surfers play at dusk when the barbecue’s been fired up and they’re trying – and succeeding – to do sex on a young female traveller who thinks she’s suddenly living The Beach. As such it is the kind of music young women tend to like, while all but the surfing elements of the male gender instinctively want to punch it. Jason Mraz makes people want to punch music.
Anyway, if his tunes weren’t enough to inspire a healthy dollop of loathing, Jason Mraz has now sent a message out to his fans ahead of Valentine’s Day which basically amounts to: “Stick a tube up your arse, love Jason xoxo”.
“This coming Valentines Day,” he intones sweetly on his MySpace, “I invite you to love YOURSELF as much as you love your family or boyfriend or cat or vibrator or whatever.”
Bless! We should all learn to love ourselves, and that’s the truth. But how?
“Treat yourself to a new empowering lifestyle. Be the change you wish to see. Try a colonic. Try a yoga class. Get a massage. Go see a movie by yourself. It doesn’t have to be huge, just as long as you break from your routine and REALLY TREAT YOURSELF.”
It’s interesting to note that while Jason’s listenership almost certainly classes ‘really treating yourself’ as spending a work day in their jim-jams and eating a whole carton of ice cream while watching Loose Women, he perceives them to be nouveau-hippy free spirits who might – just might – consider throwing caution to the wind and going to the cinema on their own.
His assumption that they also have the time, money and inclination to spend the most romantic day of the year having their fecal waste sucked out through a plastic hose inserted into their anus, meanwhile, suggests Jason Mraz believes every single one of his fans is the type of person who drinks vegetable smoothies and resides in Southern California.
Such brainfartery isn’t all that surprising if you take a peek at Jason’s video for the infuriatingly inescapable I’m Yours, though. As he croons self-help gems like “rid yourself of vanities” you can witness him ambling along in rock star shades and what appears to be the Hofmeister bear’s funny little hat. Of course he looks pleased as punch with himself, since he knows he can afford as much arse-invading innard flushing as he damn well pleases.
Still, it’s nice that he cares enough to “communicate” with his fans, even though the act confirms the crushingly inevitable: that his brain has clearly switched from the setting marked “hippy-dippy singer-songwriter” to the one marked “reality-shy celebrity dicktard.”
This epic wedge of wonder is a guest blog by the Godlike Stuart Waterman from the essential My Chemical Toilet. You must go there immediately and soak up its genius.