Jason Mraz is a rather successful singer-songwriter whose most notable achievement thus far has been to make Jack Johnson appear satanically edgy by comparison.
Like Johnson, he records songs for which the videos, by law, have to be set in exotic surfing hotspots such as Hawaii. Jason Mraz albums are aspirational chill-out accessories for people who buy music based on whether they’ve heard it on a mobile phone advert.
Jason Mraz’s music is the kind of thing surfers play at dusk when the barbecue’s been fired up and they’re trying – and succeeding – to do sex on a young female traveller who thinks she’s suddenly living The Beach. As such it is the kind of music young women tend to like, while all but the surfing elements of the male gender instinctively want to punch it. Jason Mraz makes people want to punch music.
Anyway, if his tunes weren’t enough to inspire a healthy dollop of loathing, Jason Mraz has now sent a message out to his fans ahead of Valentine’s Day which basically amounts to: “Stick a tube up your arse, love Jason xoxo”.
“This coming Valentines Day,” he intones sweetly on his MySpace, “I invite you to love YOURSELF as much as you love your family or boyfriend or cat or vibrator or whatever.”
Bless! We should all learn to love ourselves, and that’s the truth. But how?
“Treat yourself to a new empowering lifestyle. Be the change you wish to see. Try a colonic. Try a yoga class. Get a massage. Go see a movie by yourself. It doesn’t have to be huge, just as long as you break from your routine and REALLY TREAT YOURSELF.”
It’s interesting to note that while Jason’s listenership almost certainly classes ‘really treating yourself’ as spending a work day in their jim-jams and eating a whole carton of ice cream while watching Loose Women, he perceives them to be nouveau-hippy free spirits who might – just might – consider throwing caution to the wind and going to the cinema on their own.
His assumption that they also have the time, money and inclination to spend the most romantic day of the year having their fecal waste sucked out through a plastic hose inserted into their anus, meanwhile, suggests Jason Mraz believes every single one of his fans is the type of person who drinks vegetable smoothies and resides in Southern California.
Such brainfartery isn’t all that surprising if you take a peek at Jason’s video for the infuriatingly inescapable I’m Yours, though. As he croons self-help gems like “rid yourself of vanities” you can witness him ambling along in rock star shades and what appears to be the Hofmeister bear’s funny little hat. Of course he looks pleased as punch with himself, since he knows he can afford as much arse-invading innard flushing as he damn well pleases.
Still, it’s nice that he cares enough to “communicate” with his fans, even though the act confirms the crushingly inevitable: that his brain has clearly switched from the setting marked “hippy-dippy singer-songwriter” to the one marked “reality-shy celebrity dicktard.”
This epic wedge of wonder is a guest blog by the Godlike Stuart Waterman from the essential My Chemical Toilet. You must go there immediately and soak up its genius.
Jox McRox says
Ha! mychemical Toilet looks like you found a good place to vent some spleen, Heckler will be the perfect match for you : )
megan says
…i’m so sad. mraz finally makes a hs appearance and it’s all taken out of context. i’m going to go eat ice cream and watch Loose Women.
ruthie says
Aw bless! I’m ancient, smart, and think Jason Mraz is clever, musically gifted, and way above your hippy-dippy perception of him. Give the boy a break… he’s doing his best in the face of rampant consumer/capitalism. Maybe there’s a touch of prophet not being recognised in his own country here. Asia and Europe love Jason as a funny, genuine, witty singer-songwriter who, thankfully, doesn’t take himself too seriously.
ali says
I think it’s funny that you think you’re a ‘godlike genius’ when you’re probably just a sad angry man having nothing better to do with his life than run a website to mock other human beings simply for trying to be inspiring or comforting.
what do you think makes you so special?
i don’t see “stuart waterman” making even an attempt to positively impact our world. shame on you.
he writes beautiful vocals and guitar… and i am a young woman,–you are right, it does kinda make me want to sleep with him though.–no reason to hate.