Janet Jackson is as fat as her brother Michael is white, and when they were kids he used to call her nasty names. Yet another Jackson scandal concerning ‘kids’ and ‘Michael’; yet another reason to place that Smooth Criminal single at the back of your collection.

Hands up anyone who tuned into The Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps (notice ‘tuned into’ and not ‘went to see’) and thought Janet Jackson looked fatter than a school dinner lady? That was seven years ago and despite the Janet’s yo-yo dieting and likely propensity to diabetes, she is now, as we report, this very second, slim…ish.

Yet, that the lady lump has a weight problem is not in dispute – though going on TV’s Access Hollywood and yakking about how her older brother used to taunt her about it? Probably not what her obligatory celeb health guru meant by ‘group therapy’.

Reluctantly removing the king-size Snickers from her mouth, Janet Jackson had this to say re Michael’s favourite jibes:

“Slaughter hog – that's not very nice. There, I told you one, I'm not telling you any more.”

And she didn’t, though did add the following statement of mind -numbing clarity:

“I've got issues!”

Word on candy-street is that Janet Jackson could not be less bothered about putting on a few pounds between gigs. She is perfectly comfortable with having kids approach her in the local sports shop and ask where they’re supposed to stow their ores.

No, no, she’s a lovely girl really and didn’t once threaten to sit on us and ‘seriously relax’ at all.

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Janet’s Fat Jibes – Sky