Janet Jackson Demands Babies Instantly

Janet Jackson's job basically involves muttering about how sexy she is to nobody in particular in a vaguely constipated way, which must get boring.

So thank heavens that Janet Jackson has finally got broody - she wants a baby so badly that it's all she can do not to dress up as a nurse and snatch one from a maternity ward somewhere.

That's according to Janet's boyfriend Jermaine Dupri, anyway. He says that Janet is so desperate for babies that they're going to try for one the instant she finishes her upcoming tour. But why wait? if Janet Jackson wants a baby that badly she should throw caution to the wind and just cancel her shows. The fans won't mind - if they're Janet Jackson fans they'll have grown used to the crushing feeling of disappointment anyway.

We can't help but wonder what Janet Jackson would be like as a mother. On the one hand we can totally see the plus sides - she's already developed an offensively efficient breastfeeding technique - but we can't help feeling that she'd probably pass you off to relatives and then deny you were ever born the moment she gave birth to you. It's a tricky one. 

But we might just about be ready to find out. According to her boyfriend Jermaine Dupri, Janet Jackson is furiously intent on having a baby as soon as possible.

And since Jermaine Dupri loves Janet Jackson so much that he took the blame when one of her last albums fared traditionally dismally, he's decided to bite the bullet and help her out. MTV reports:

Janet admitted earlier this year that she was itching to have children… Dupri already has a daughter and explained that he’s not concerned whether he has a boy or a girl with Janet "It really doesn't matter. Janet would be a great mum. She was around so many brothers and sisters all her life, so she's got to know what that is (like)”.

Yes, that's right. That's exactly right. Janet Jackson will be a good mother because she knows what it's like to be part of a large, perfectly normal family that wasn't pushed into showbusiness by an brutal taskmaster of a father or grew up to become, variously, a spooky cross-dressing recluse surrounded by allegations of child abuse, a man who tried writing a book about how much of a paedophile his brother was, a Playboy model and a grown man named Tito. That Mother Of The Year award's as good as hers already.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves here - Janet Jackson's actually got to have the baby first. And that might be a bit tricky. Not because of all the risks inherent in becoming pregnant at 42, you understand, but because we're not sure if she knows how it works. 

After all, Janet Jackson's technique to get people to think she's sexy is to just explicitly say the word 'sexy' over and over again in her songs, so there's a pretty good chance that she thinks people get pregnant just by repeating the word 'baby' in a mumbly cod-erotic way a bunch of times.