Despite our best attempts to distance ourselves from the real world in the hope that one day Jessica Rabbit will leap out of our TV and have rampant sex with us, we have to be realistic.

This is because no-one has developed a TV that can do such a thing, and also because there is some sort of financial crisis going on.

Yup, everything costs more and everyone is feeling the pain. Even the simple pleasures of life are being taken away. No more so then in Japan where Janet Jackson, the tit-bearing member of the Jackson circus, has had to cancel a few shows.

Because a bowl of rice now costs the same as a brand new Mercedes and has to feed a family of four for three weeks, everyone in Japan is feeling the financial strain. It must be crushingly disappointing for little Akira and Daiki, who dreamed of saving up their hard earned Yen to see one of the less popular Jacksons perform.

It doesn’t seem likely that Michael Jackson will perform any time soon, due to him being confined to a wheelchair. Not even Jermaine and Tito can persuade the baby-waving maniac to rejoin The Jackson 5.

Janet Jackson would have then been the next Jackson to tour the country and make a bit of cash. But with sister LaToya just leaving the Celebrity Big Brother house, there are magazine deals and endorsements to be had. Annoyingly, this pushes Janet even further down the Jackson pecking order.

With the western world not giving a toss, what could go wrong with Japan? It is a nation known for being slightly mental and lapping up most music that America produces. An easy ploy to make some money and shift a few records, right? Wrong!

Unless you were bought a ticket for Christmas and had to pretend you liked it, this news may excite some of our Japanese readers. BBC News reports:

“Japanese concert promoter Kyodo Yokohama said the singer cancelled five concerts due to take place in February, blaming the global financial crisis”.

However, does Janet know something that world leaders, banks and ourselves don’t? Despite these gigs being cancelled it appears that they aren’t gone for good. BBC News again tells us:

“The gigs in Japan will be rescheduled later this year, with new dates expected to be announced in March.”

March! That’s only two months away. Does that mean that our financial crisis is over and we can go back to our old ways of teasing the homeless with £10 notes?

If this news is true, then maybe Janet Jackson is the saviour of the world and we should all bow to her at regular intervals whilst kissing a porcelain cast of that tit that she exposed during the Super Bowl.

Or maybe she’s just worked out that more people will be able to buy tickets if she postpones the shows for a couple of months. Either way, we want to kiss a tit.

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