James Gandolfini Marries Some Woman Someplace Nice

Although it’s Labor Day and most of the media is preoccupied with hurricanes and politics, we’ve still got all the big celebrity news for you.

And when we say big, we mean big. Like, for instance, James Gandolfini got married on Saturday. That’s right - a man from a TV show that ended over a year ago just got married to a woman we’ve never even heard of. In Hawaii. And, um, that’s about it.

Just kidding - loads happened. For instance, James Gandolfini’s eight-year-old son was the best man. And also, James Gandolfini’s wife walked down the aisle to some harp music. Why, James Gandolfini’s wedding has got to be the happiest, harpiest, Hawaiiest, eight-year-old boyiest wedding to happen to anyone who played the lead in The Sopranos ever!

Warning: the following story may contain padding.

Poor old James Gandolfini. For close to a decade he’s defined himself by playing Tony Soprano, but now that The Sopranos has finished he has to find new ways to occupy his time.

Sure, there’s always more acting, but one look at his IMDb page - and the revelation that his upcoming slate contains both a film about shoes and a John Travolta vehicle - won’t exactly thrill anyone to death. And perhaps that’s why James Gandolfini has decided to concentrate on his family life, by getting married to Deborah Lin in Hawaii on Saturday.

Who’s Deborah Lin? She’s James Gandolfini’s wife. That is literally her only defining characteristic. Oh, and she used to be a model. But, hey, who didn’t?

Do you want the details of James Gandolfini’s wedding? What? You actually do? Even though we’ve already told you about Hawaii and the harp and the weirdly young best man? Seriously, we don’t know what’s wrong with you people. Fine. Here’s how E! Online described it:

The intimate 20-minute ceremony was held at the island’s Central Union Church. A harpist played the “Hawaiian Wedding Song” as the bride walked down the aisle in a white, Italian lace gown. Gandofini’s best man was his 8-year-old son, Michael.

Are you happy now? Are you happy that you got to hear about the Italian lace? Are you? You’d better be happy. Italian lace indeed. Cuh.

So that’s it. That’s the biggest news of the day. James Gandolfini got married to a woman who was wearing Italian lace and likes harps and there was an eight-year-old best man.

Still, we wish we’d been there for the best man’s speech. There’s nothing like watching an eight-year-old boy nervously allude to his own father’s sexual promiscuity in a humorous way, is there?