Golf balls. Apparently golf balls don’t fix environmental catastrophes. Who knew? But anyway, now that the lack of a solution has become equally disastrous and embarrassing, the authorities have decided to call in the big guns. That’s right, James Cameron is on the case.
No, not a world-class environmental scientist called James Cameron. James Cameron James Cameron. The Avatar guy. He knows exactly how to repair the broken pipeline because he owns some submarines and he knows a lot about underwater stuff. Or, failing that, he can just plug the hole with his increasingly berserk Helen Mirren haircut. Either way, he’s our new hero!
Because he made an excessively expensive Leonardo DiCaprio snuff film and a really long PlayStation cutscene about a blue hippy with penises in his hair, James Cameron doesn’t really have to give anything back to humanity. But if you cut James Cameron open, he bleeds love. And that’s why he’s helping scientists come up with a way to fix the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. It’s not just because he made two and a half films about some water once and now thinks he’s a poxy expert about it, you cynics.
Why did it take so long for the authorities to call upon James Cameron to help with the oil spill? Simple, it’s because they were saving his expertise for when the evil murder-robots from the future attack us. But in the short-term, the oil spill is probably a bit more urgent. People reports:
James Cameron, the director of Avatar and Titanic, joined scientists and other experts at a meeting with U.S. officials Tuesday in Washington to come up with possible fixes for the leak, which so far has resisted oil company BP’s attempts to plug it… Cameron reportedly contacted BP several weeks ago and offered the company use of his private fleet of deep-dive craft.
That’s… that’s actually quite considerate. Well done James Cameron. And he’s not the only celebrity to offer his help, either. Victoria Principal from Dallas has contributed $200,000 towards the clean-up fund, while Kevin Costner has apparently invested in the development of? a brand-new centrifugal clean-up machine. The only problem there is that Kevin Costner is thought to have stipulated that the machine must be 400 metres tall, made of gold and shaped like Kevin Costner, so it probably won’t be much use.
Apart from that, though, it’s a nice thought.