People have run out of ideas about how to fix the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. That said, they only ever had one idea.
Golf balls. Apparently golf balls don’t fix environmental catastrophes. Who knew? But anyway, now that the lack of a solution has become equally disastrous and embarrassing, the authorities have decided to call in the big guns. That’s right, James Cameron is on the case.
No, not a world-class environmental scientist called James Cameron. James Cameron James Cameron. The Avatar guy. He knows exactly how to repair the broken pipeline because he owns some submarines and he knows a lot about underwater stuff. Or, failing that, he can just plug the hole with his increasingly berserk Helen Mirren haircut. Either way, he’s our new hero!
Because he made an excessively expensive Leonardo DiCaprio snuff film and a really long PlayStation cutscene about a blue hippy with penises in his hair, James Cameron doesn’t really have to give anything back to humanity. But if you cut James Cameron open, he bleeds love. And that’s why he’s helping scientists come up with a way to fix the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. It’s not just because he made two and a half films about some water once and now thinks he’s a poxy expert about it, you cynics.
Why did it take so long for the authorities to call upon James Cameron to help with the oil spill? Simple, it’s because they were saving his expertise for when the evil murder-robots from the future attack us. But in the short-term, the oil spill is probably a bit more urgent. People reports:
James Cameron, the director of Avatar and Titanic, joined scientists and other experts at a meeting with U.S. officials Tuesday in Washington to come up with possible fixes for the leak, which so far has resisted oil company BP’s attempts to plug it… Cameron reportedly contacted BP several weeks ago and offered the company use of his private fleet of deep-dive craft.
That’s… that’s actually quite considerate. Well done James Cameron. And he’s not the only celebrity to offer his help, either. Victoria Principal from Dallas has contributed $200,000 towards the clean-up fund, while Kevin Costner has apparently invested in the development of? a brand-new centrifugal clean-up machine. The only problem there is that Kevin Costner is thought to have stipulated that the machine must be 400 metres tall, made of gold and shaped like Kevin Costner, so it probably won’t be much use.
Apart from that, though, it’s a nice thought.
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Fred says
This site is infantile and moronic. Douchebags. Sarcastic A**holes. Any moronicdipshit could do better. What have you created that matters? Sarcastic A**holes. When your flesh is being eaten by worms what can you say you contributed to this world? Freakin’Losers.
auntbunny says
Beautifully put. Brought tears to my eyes. James effing Cameron! Really!?
Dorian says
This is quite funny – despite the desperate situation in the Gulf of Mexco. And it’s all so more amazing that I get this from my Google Alerts for Leonardo DiCaprio *smiles*. I love to love and learn with LEO and because of LEO!
stella says
They should have called upon me. I have the best solution — to bung the hole up with BP CEOs, engineers and scientists’ (and whoever else decided oil rigs were a good idea) concrete-laden heads. Would fix this one and prevent future oil spills.
gilbert wham says
I’m unsure as to why you’re upset. Are you a BP shill? Do you read Ayn Rand compulsively? Or, do you just really really like James Cameron?
I’m totally down with the hair, TBH. Bit puritan at the moment, though. Given a bit more grow-time, he could go for Regency Fop.
fred szaban says
insert new pipe in older broken pipe,drill 2 holes through old pipe insert syeel rod in each hole now you have new pipe section to work with
sohale sharif says
Dear Sir
Hi
To clean oil spots from the sea,
The best way is rent fishing boats. Each two boats can carry tube fabric floating oil at sea level must collect.
With the help of the boats floating oil can be collected near the coast and floating in tanks by ships that are towed will pump.
Using military ships to the sea can be the operation of offshore well done.
Advantages:
Rental fishing boats and causes participation of ordinary people to pressure the government largely reduced.
Thus, the possibility of cleaning the sea level of oil will provide separate spots were.
Disadvantages and problems:
This high volume for rent fishing boats need to coordinate system of government is
Preparation of floating tanks + pump oil from sea level into the tanks + Buy floating tanks and pipes to collect oil from sea level
May be difficult.
Contain oil well
Metal Network can be inside the cone with cloth cone resistance level has been created (with a radius of about 5 to 10 meters) over the thin fabric of a long tube that has continued until the water level has been connected ( is sewn) be used.
This set of four towboat can Bryh place and connect it with cable below sea level on the well placed and eventually be sent down.
To ensure that the weight set down cones for the opening and establishment of appropriate wells, these ships can be connected via cable to the cone weights lead down to send.
When the complex network of metal and fabric on the funnel openings were well cement can be pumped around the cone mouth opening while sealing the well network weight metal also increased.
When the collection be placed on the mouth of the well, you can head cloth tube that by this time a string is attached to the tow boats pulled from the water with or without pumps and tanks to be connected vessels.
With Best Wishes
Soheil Sharif