Raising a child can be so hard. We know because we raised one once. All the worrying that the kid’ll get into drugs when he becomes a teenager, intently hoping he’ll develop good people skills and eventually land a stable job. The headaches were endless. We even remember walking through a blizzard with the kid on our mind once, and praying heaven above would instill some good moral values in him, and that a nun would find him in his basket before he freezes solid on her porch. Yes sir, child-rearing was the hardest three hours of our life.

We learned a lot though, like if you want your kid to grow up a famous funk musician, raise him in a whorehouse. Seriously, there are no better role models than prostitutes and fat guys with the faint stink of KFC on their breath. According to James Brown anyway. Kind of.

James Brown was raised in a brothel, and he wouldn’t have changed it for the world.