John Lennon once sang "A very merry Christmas/ And a happy New Year/ Let's hope it's a good one" but he should have tagged on "unless you're the creepy Turk who took pictures of Yoko Ono in her pants/ I'm not arsed about how your Christmas is."
Because Koral Karsan – the allegedly creepy Turk who allegedly took pictures of Yoko Ono in her pants when she wasn't looking and then allegedly tried to blackmail her for $2 million and threatened to kill her if she didn't pay up – has been banged up for Christmas. Karsan – Yoko Ono's driver – was indicted on four charges of first degree attempted grand larceny in a New York court yesterday and, although he pleaded not guilty to the charges, his status as an immigrant means that he's been thrown in jail without bail until at least January 11 next year. Oh, and Koral Karsan managed to call Yoko Ono "insecure" "paranoid" "immoral" and "illegal" during all of this.
It's a tight-run thing, but we'd say that Yoko Ono just about shades it over Heather Mills in the Beatle Wife Danger Stakes. While Heather Mills has a panic alarm system in her house and an estranged husband that possibly stabs her with wine glasses, Yoko Ono has both a murdered husband that she wants to name an International Day Of Forgiveness after and a driver who could very well be a mental blackmailer which – you have to admit – takes some beating.
Yoko Ono is claiming that her long-time driver Koral Karsan chose the anniversary of John Lennon's death to blackmail her for $2 million with secretly-taken revealing pictures and secretly-recorded conversations with her, and that he had threatened the life of Yoko Ono and her family if she didn't pay up. And he's reported to have boasted about injecting poison into her while she slept at some point, too. Last week Koral Karsan was charged with grand larceny, and yesterday Koral Karsan turned up in Manhattan State Supreme Court to be indicted, as CBS reports:
Yoko Ono's driver, accused of trying to blackmail her for $2 million, was indicted Tuesday on first-degree attempted grand larceny and jailed without bail after the judge said he was a flight risk. Koral Karsan pleaded not guilty in Manhattan's state Supreme Court to four attempted grand larceny counts… Justice Michael Ambrecht set Karsan's next court date for Jan. 11. He eliminated Karsan's $250,000 bail after the prosecutor said the driver, a native of Turkey, was in the United States illegally and had family and resources overseas.
Prosecutors also found a DVD in Koral Karsan's home containing photographs of every piece of artwork Yoko Ono owned, leading them to believe that Karsan was going to make off with some of them. However, Karsan's lawyer Robert Gottlieb claims that the DVD was merely protection in case Yoko Ono was going to harm Koral Karsan. Because, according to Robert Gottlieb, Yoko Ono is a bloody nutter who pestered Karsan "to perform immoral and at times illegal acts" and her "demands escalated over the years." It's thought that these acts involved keeping Koral Karsan ready for action 24 hours a day, being a bit sloppy with her tax work and making sure Karsan "tucked her in bed." Seriously.
We'll have to wait until January 11 at the earliest to find out any more of these terrifying/amusing accusations from both sides of the case, which is plenty of time for Heather Mills to up the stakes and try and look like the more endangered Beatle wife, possibly by trapping herself in a gruesome Saw 3-style trap involving pigs, industrial grinders and a key surgically implanted into her forehead.