Jackson Five to Receive Award for Making It Through Life Alive, or Something
We’re positively flabbergasted.
It turns out when you add up the stuff from the lives of all the Jackson Five members, there appears to be an achievement in there somewhere, or something. So, let’s give them a lifetime achievement award, shall we?
Be sure to tune in to the award ceremony for the exciting activity where you have to match up pictures of the group from the past and present. If you’re good enough to score 100% you’ll be awarded one of the last un-repossessed llamas from Neverland Ranch.
Don’t get too excited, though. Nobody’s ever won one.
Everyone deserves an award. Especially if you’re a member of the Jackson Five. Whether it be ‘the most siblings in one family to have enough bad nose jobs, thus making them all look like Cabbage Patch dolls’, or ‘the greatest number of sleepovers to date’, the Jackson brothers have a load of shining achievements to boast.
This is why Michael, Jermaine, Tito, Marlon, and Jackie Jackson will receive a lifetime achievement award at the BMI Urban Awards on September 4th. Surprisingly, all of the brothers except Michael were able to cancel their dates with nothing, leaving them free to appear in person and accept the award. The attendance of Michael and his surgical mask is still in question at this point.
It is quite an honor for the Jackson Five to receive this lifetime achievement award, especially since the success of the group is localized largely between about 1966-1972, which is an interesting amount of time when categorizing a “lifetimeâ€. But hey, if we convert that to dog years it turns out to be more like 42 years, which is much more respectable. So we’ll just go ahead and rename this the BMI Lifetime Achievement Awards Doggy-style.
Zing!
Okay, we really should give credit where credit is due: Jermaine. It’s Jermaine that has earned the award, no question about it. Praise be to Jermaine. For as any musical historian will tell you, it is Jermaine skipping around in pink and blue pyjamas singing “Dynamite†that constitutes an eternal achievement award for this life and whatever kitchen appliance he may be reincarnated as after he dies.
I think this article is very RUDE! In spite of all the things they have gone through, they are still pioneers in the music industry and great artists. I don’t appreciate someone like you disrespecting them. They still have a lot of fans and You need to show them a little respect instead of trying to get yourself noticed by saying things contrary to what their fans believe. Loser!
Your article is pathetic. If you don’t respect Michael Jackson, I’m not visiting this site again. I mean it.
VERY badly written article and extremely rude!! who is this Annette Hyde, i certainly havnt heard of her…. but keep your opinions to yourself and out of your work!!
‘Surprisingly, all of the brothers except Michael were able to cancel their dates with nothing, leaving them free to appear in person and accept the award. The attendance of Michael and his surgical mask is still in question at this point.’
- Who do you think you are, you know nothing about their private lives so why are you even bringing this up when its not factual! You’re very rude for no reason at all and judging by this, you’re very bad at your job!! GROW UP!
“You’re very rude for no reason at all”
…and so has stolen our heart….*sigh*
…and a tear of immense joy rolls silently down my cheek…
Yeah Annette Hyde! How DARE you make fun of the Jackson family on this snarky entertainment website? Don’t you know that the Jackson clan is sacrosanct from any ridicule and mockery? There has been a long-standing, silent agreement among the media that the Jackson family, bastion of morality, good taste, and sensible living, are off-limits to the schlocky gibes, especially from fourth rate sites such as hecklerspray. For shame…
But c’mon, honestly? Romeo, if you won’t read entertainment sites that DON’T make fun of the Jacksons, what DO you read?!
kyle: “…. but keep your opinions to yourself and out of your work!!”
Kyle, that IS her work. Simpleton.
At least Jackson Five fans have decent grammar. I can barely read the nonsense Miley Cyrus fans smear all over the comment boards.
Annette Hyde, just because you haven’t made anything of yourself, that doesn’t give you the right to trash a group of people who mean so much to so many. What does you and your nose look like? I would love to pick you apart about the way that you look! Have you even graduated from high school? Learn how to write. You should be fired lady, or should I call you the bitch that you are? I guess that I shouldn’t expect much from a lonely, miserable person such as yourself. I guess misery does love company. Pray for a better heart and attitude before you go to bed tonight. I love you Michael!!!
Are you kidding? Hyde is the very vision of Venus, the aspect of Aphrodite, the FUCKING PICTURE of FUCKING PULCHRITUDE! Look upon her visage, Captola, and weep; beg for forgiveness for your lack of faith.
Hyde is the element of loveliness, she is no pretending compound, to be ‘picked apart’ into component substances.
And they don’t have high school in the UK, they have ‘forms’ or some shit, which brings me to the Platonic Ideal of Beauty: Hyde. All women that you have thus far seen are but shadows on the wall of your CAVE PRISON; shadows cast by she whose name the wisest men whisper: Hyde.
And don’t get me started on her writing; flowing prose, free verse of the finest sort, the raiment of which is language: so pure and beautiful one could easily mistake it for the tongue of Babel itself.
Hyde shall never be lonely; as long as men walk the Earth they shall sing in praise of Her…
That’s amazing, gir. That is exactly how my curriculum vitae reads word for word.
Uh, where do you think I got it?
lmao my grandmother was WHAT?!?!