Jack White, the singer and guitarist of The White Stripes (CDs), has got married in a wedding ceremony on a canoe on a river in Brazil.

The new Mrs Jack White is Karen Elson, a British model. Did we mention he’s got an album coming out on Monday?

We’ve all been there. You’re in a relationship which breaks up, and
your partner rushes off to get married to a country and western singer
on a tropical island. Suddenly you look like the loser, so you find a
model in your pop video where sticks turn into snakes, and get a shaman
to conduct your wedding while you float on a tiny wooden boat in South
America.

Jack White isn’t someone you should try and second guess. He always
describes albums by The White Stripes in rich terms, like "the death of
the sweetheart", even though every single song he’s ever released
sounds like a tiny angry witch screeching inside an upturned metal bucket
while a bunch of local boys stand around booting it.

He apparently punched in the singer from The Von Bondies (CDs), then
defended himself in court as a good ol’ southern boy defending his
honour. Even though he’s from Detroit.

He’s, um, not as good as Brendan Benson (CDs).

So, why did he get married? Was it a knee-jerk way of getting back
at Renee Zellweger (DVDs), who married Kenny ‘God Is My Tractor’ Chesney (CDs) a
matter of weeks ago?

Is it a big publicity stunt to drive sales of his new album Get
Behind Me Satan, out on Monday? After all, the timing of its release
means it has to compete directly with Oasis, Coldplay and Gorillaz,
three big albums. And as the Brad and Angelina relationship has proven,
us punters love romantic intrigue.

Or, has the shrieking Skeletor-alike actually found love? Let’s hope
not, or else the next White Stripes album will be full of songs about
walking in the park at sunset and spooning.

Related stories:

Renee Zelwegger And Kenny Chesney Are Married! Who’s Kenny Chesney?

[story by Stuart Heritage]