Hillary Clinton is back in the race to become the Democratic presidential candidate, and it's perfectly clear that Jack Nicholson deserves all the thanks.
Look at the evidence. Hillary Clinton is behind in the polls and then – bam! – Jack Nicholson makes an incomprehensible video where some of his nastiest screen characters sort of vaguely say lines of dialogue that might possibly be construed as endorsing her and she wins big in three important states.
And now, just to mop up all the praise that a befuddled-looking Father Jack-esque appearance on a woolly political YouTube video deserves, Jack Nicholson has given an interview all about how he's the world's bestest ever at politics and stuff.
Say what you like about NAFTA reforms and legislature history, but the race between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama to become the Democratic presidential candidate is about one thing and one thing only – it's about how many confused old celebrities they can get to endorse them.
Look at this this way – Barack Obama was losing the race until he roped in some of The Grateful Dead to sing a song to a poster of his benevolently smiling face. Suddenly he's winning primaries willy-nilly and making Hillary Clinton look like quite the fool.
And then, on the ropes, Hillary Clinton did the only thing she could – she got Jack Nicholson to make the world's creepiest campaign video. And it was beautiful – a montage of Hillary Clinton being endorsed by the mental guy from The Shining, evil arch-criminal The Joker and the bastard army chap from A Few Good Men, with Jack Nicholson popping up as himself at the end to honk his approval like an alarmingly debauched elderly sealion.
And now that he's exclusively credited with helping Hillary Clinton becoming the next president, Jack Nicholson's gone on a lap of honour, telling MTV exactly why he decided to swoop down from heaven and help Hillary out in her darkest hour:
Well, I'm a longtime Clintonite. I guess that's no secret. I'm not a talking-points guy, Josh. I'm a rolling cannonball. I basically do it on my own… I got a call. They asked me to do something. I explained to [former] President Clinton that I admire a foot soldier but I'm too old to be one. I'm not looking for so-called followers. I'm not that crazy about being interviewed. I don't like the sound of my own voice after 20 minutes. On the other hand, I am Irish. I like being involved in the community. As they say, if you don't educate yourself about the political system you're doomed to be led by inferior people. That's one of my fears.
So it looks like Jack Nicholson is a Hillary Clinton man for life now. It's a shame, because we were rather hoping he'd set himself up as a gun for hire, jetting around the world and inspiring voters with his unique ways. Especially now – we get the feeling that the only thing to make Anwar Ibrahim win the Malaysian elections this week is a shabbily-constructed internet montage of Jack Nicholson in Wolf and Anger Management.
But forget Hillary Clinton and Jack Nicholson – how is Barack Obama going to stage a comeback in time for the next round of primaries? Three words – Sir Jimmy Savile.
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mst3kster says
Tyra Banks will disagree with you on this. Hillary was on Tyra’s show recently and Hillary had to sit there and listen to Tyra brag about herself. That’s the reason why Hillary won those states. It had nothing to do with Jack. It was Tyra!
Tyra, Tyra, Tyra!!
(Actually, Tyra makes me want to sit in a snow drift until I look like Jack at the end of The Shining.)
PulSamsara says
Let the American PEOPLE see your TAX RETURNS Clinton ! What are you afraid of ?
socz says
I don’t understand what tax returns have to do with elections… honestly, if we should investigate anyone it should be the current VP! That dude is more shady than both the clintons combined! Either way i hope hillary or obama wins… i hope they join forces to make a super record breaking ticket.
PS anyone who demands anyone else to show their tax return should make theirs public first. I don’t see the harm in displaying mine.
Hlight says
Obama made his tax returns public already. Because then we know they are not LYING TO US. duh.
It’s a shame there are so many people that have such a dismal outlook on life they feel the need to make everyone else suffer by voting for Hillary. Let’s face it, she’s a lier and a divider… two qualities we find in Bush! Nice job democrats, way to pick them.
Let’s all vote for Clinton so that America can have a two family DYNASTY FOR 20 YEARS. Yeah, good thinking guys, I’m sure Jefferson would be proud.
dom youngross says
Jack Nicholson’s Bio excerpts from imdb.com:
“Flew to Cuba and met with Fidel Castro in June 1998. While there, he also met with leaders of the Cuban film industry, enjoyed local restaurants, jazz clubs and visited a famous cigar factory. He left greatly impressed with the country and its Communist dictator, who he described as “a genius”, though the luxuries he was treated to on the island are off-limits to most Cuban citizens.”
“I’m very contra my constituency in terms of abortion because I’m positively against it. I don’t have the right to any other view. My only emotion is gratitude, literally, for my life.”
“I don’t believe in God now. I can still work up an envy for someone who has a faith. I can see how that could be a deeply soothing experience.” (1992)
“Used to be a messenger boy for MGM’s cartoon department.”
“I’ve grown out of talking like I know something when I don’t.”
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I liked him in Chinatown. In 1974.
observer says
LET ME SEE ?
UMM….reply to “PULSAMSARA” What’s Tax return got to do with it?
Also,Pulsamsara,just who do you pul’, Sam or Sara ?
UMM….reply to “Hlight”. Could you publish YOUR tax return so we know you’re not lying to us? I’ll show you mine,if you show me Yours.
UMM….reply to “dom youngross” What the Hell is your Point..if any?
blue 2008 says
The post on the message boards certainly have changed since Texas and Ohio. Seems that the Obama supporters are in a bit of a panic since their golden boy stumbled. Now that Obama is the frontrunner will see how he handles it. Not to well so far.
Bill and Monica says
Why can’t you all give Hitlary a break on her tax returns? I’m sure she is just too busy to release those 2006 Dubai profits.
dom youngross says
Jack Nicholson’s endorsement of Clinton II will help her get the Pro-Castro, Pro-Life, Pro-Atheism, and Pro-Idiot vote.
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I liked him in Chinatown. In 1974.