Jack Black Has Another Baby, Nobody Cares

Since Angelina Jolie and Nicole Kidman are getting ready to shoot babies out of their nethers, appetite for celebrity babies has never been higher.

Unless you’re Jack Black, of course. If you’re Jack Black then nobody really gives much of a hoot about how many children you’ve got. For instance, it’s all over the news at the moment that Jack Black and his wife Tanya have had their second baby.

How do they know? Were hordes of paparazzi camped outside the maternity wards of every hospital in LA? Had midwives been secretly bribed by celebrity magazines to reveal confidential secrets? No. Jack Black had to tell them that they had the baby ‘about a week ago’ during a premiere. Still, the lack of interest in his baby shouldn’t detract from the photo deal he’s just signed - £3.50 for a half-page spread near the back of What Horsebox magazine.

The world isn’t as equal as people make out. Yes, women get to vote now and they’re often at least interviewed for jobs they have no hope of getting so that companies can fill their positive discrimination quota, but when it comes to celebrity babies, the gender divide is wider than ever.

If you’re a female film star - even a crap one like Jessica Alba - and you get pregnant, then the press goes berserk for you, following you around and goading you into discussing your milk-engorged breasts and buying the image rights of the unborn baby for millions of dollars.

It’s even worse for someone like Angelina Jolie who has a megastar for a boyfriend, because then you can’t even go five seconds without every poorly-researched, lazily sarcastic British entertainment blog in the world falsely reporting the birth of your children. It must be a nightmare. There should be laws against us. It. There should be laws against it.

And then there’s Jack Black. Jack Black had a baby recently. Not that you’d know it, though - public interest in Jack Black’s new baby is so low that he had to casually break the news that he became a father for the second time ‘about a week ago’ on the red carpet at the premiere for Kung-Fu Panda. What’s the name of Jack Black’s baby? Don’t know. What’s the gender of Jack Black’s baby? Don’t know. How hungry is Jack Black’s baby? Good question, let’s find out, according to People:

“I have a new one,” Black, 38, told reporters Saturday at the junket for his animated movie, Kung Fu Panda, in Beverly Hills. “It’s eating every three hours. When talking with Kung Fu Panda producer Melissa Cobb about his dad duties, Black said, “Hours in the night, oh I have been,” adding to reporters, “You just got to make all the time precious with the babies when you’re working … You get an hour in the morning, and an hour at night, and you really make the most of that time.”

If any of this is sounding familiar, it’s because it is. Last time Jack Black became a father it a) happened around the time that Angelina Jolie had a baby, b) was announced at the premiere for one of his movies and c) was never officially named in public. And now it’s happening again.

Which is all well and good, except that all that happened during Nacho Libre, so the odds of Kung Fu Panda being much good have right out the bloody window now, haven’t they.