J-Lo’s Identity Crisis

Well-adjusted pillar of society Jennifer Lopez has been in a bit of a quandry of late. As far as the public is generally concerned, she ranks somewhere between the Lottery Rapist and Mummra The Everliving in terms of not being liked very much.

Of course, the huge-arsed superstar has a theory on why this is…

Maybe her breathtakingly arrogant demands for an all white dressing room (including white candles and white sofas) even when she’s recording videos for charity?

Wrong.

Possibly then, her arrest for gun possession in 1999?

Guess again, buster.

Her all-consuming need to collect engagement rings?

No, no, no…

The answer has been staring you in the face all along. The reason Jennifer Lopez is universally loathed is obviously that she has played police officers in some films.

"I think people get the wrong idea because of the roles I’ve played. I’ve played a couple of cops, a couple of killers and that seems to have put some people off," she told Teen Hollywood.

Thats right, dear. People don’t like you because of the roles you’ve played in the past. You’ve played a policewoman, so people think you’re a policewoman. You’ve played an assassin, so people think you’re an assassin. You’ve played a computerised ant, so people think, um…

Look, Jennifer, this whole typecasting argument just won’t wash. For example, Arnold Schwarzenegger has played a muscleheaded gun-toting killer in around twenty movies - and a man in another - and he still manages to get elected Governer of California.

And anyone who has watched ‘Devil’s Advocate’ can tell that Keanu Reeves isn’t anywhere remotely intelligent enough to be a hotshot lawyer, just look at how clearly terrified he is by the long words coming out of his mouth.

But if thats what you want to think, Jen, run with it. We’ll believe you really are whatever character you play if it makes you happy. Unless you play a decent singer, that is. Give us some credit.