Ivana Trump’s Ridiculous Marriage Inevitably Implodes
You might think that Ivana Trump enjoys May to December romances, but Ivana would regard that as a hideous insult.
May To December? How offensive! Everyone knows that Ivana Trump only ever falls in love for the long term. And by that we mean April to December romances. April to December romances that must end exactly on the stroke of the first of December.
Which is to say that Ivana Trump has split up with her half-as-young-as-she-is husband after just seven months of marriage. You may react to this news however you like. We suggest shrugging.
Some women have a type of man that they go for, but not Ivana Trump. So long as you’re a man, you’re inappropriately younger than her, you have a silly name, you look a bit sleazy and your idea of restrained sophistication involves buying a golden walk-in refrigerator with an ornate cherub for a handle that plays harp concertos every time you open it, Ivana Trump is more or less guaranteed to fall completely in love with you.
Because that’s Ivana Trump’s problem – she falls in love too easily. With arseholes, mainly. Ivana fell in love with George Syrovatka for eight years, then Donald Trump for 15 years, then Riccardo Mazzucchelli for two years and, this year, she fell in love with Rossano Rubicondi. And then out of love with Rossano Rubicondi again. Quite quickly.
Seven months after Ivana Trump married Rubicondi, their marriage has come stumbling to an end. It was such a beautiful ceremony, too – held on Ivana’s ex-husband Donald’s estate, in front of Donald, with Donald’s sister acting as the minister and with a reception in the exact room that Donald had his last wedding reception in.
Bizarrely, though, it wasn’t the nagging sense that everything he ever did would always be compared to a belligerent old man with a haircut like a baboon’s buttocks being pulled apart by a wind-tunnel that drove Rossano Rubicondi away from Ivana Trump – it was a reality TV show. Fox News reports:
The 59-year-old says she actually separated from 35-year-old Rossano Rubicon three months ago, but kept it hush hush so as to not mess up his chances on the Italian version of Survivor. “Rossano wants to live in Miami and work in Milan,” Trump said. “But, I am a New Yorker and my family, friends and businesses are here. As the beautiful song says, `Que sera sera!’”
Good for Ivana Trump. With age and experience she’s learnt to roll with the punches and take any bad news – even the news of her own divorce – by remembering the lyrics of beautiful songs. Incidentally, we’d imagine that the songs I Am A Cartoonishly Garish Old Lady and Don’t Forget To Treat Your Face As If It Was A Slab Of Furniture Leather have come in handy several times throughout Ivana’s life.
But still, maybe Ivana Trump does have a type after all – stars of reality TV shows. First Donald Trump from The Apprentice and then Rossano Rubicon from Survivor? If we were Bubble from Big Brother 2, we’d be crapping it right now.
I guess, with that kind of money, she can have any man she wants, even if the wedding ceremony makes it patently clear to him that his only contribution to her life is an animated sausage.
So, we males can all amuse ourselves in idle moments by calculating, if she came shopping for us, just what our price would be.