It's a good thing that Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow have earnt loads of cash from singing whiny songs and making whiny films – once their children work out what dumbass names they've got, their therapy bills are going to be huge.

Gwyneth Paltrow gave birth over the weekend to her second child with Chris Martin. And called it Moses. Moses! Apparently, Moses was named after a song by his Daddy's band, Coldplay. And to think, they could have named the baby The Scientist.

For all their fair trade, macrobiotic yuppie hippy blathering, Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow can tick off a surprising amount of rockstar stereotypes. Like getting the bad vibes in their house exorcised by rabbis and giving their children ridiculous names. After setting the bar pretty high by calling kid number one Apple, they've had to out-do themselves by calling kid number two Moses.

Gwyneth Paltrow gave birth to baby Moses at the weekend. Mother and baby are "100% healthy", but no other details have been given about the baby. Like, for instance, whether or not baby Moses was named Moses because he emerged from the womb with a full beard, crazed eyes and leading the Israelites.

Although Gwyneth Paltrow never explicitly confirmed her pregnancy in public, it didn't stop Gwyneth's mother Blythe Danner blabbing all about it by accident back in October. Or Lou Diamond Phillips yakking it up at a Q&A in January. But anyway – what about the stupid name?

Since Moses was a Coldplay song, it's assumed that baby Moses was the brainchild of Chris Martin – just as Apple was also thought to come out of the Martin mind. Now that we have that information, there's no need to read the inevitable Moses Martin autobiography What Was My Dad Fucking Thinking? when it comes out in 2028.

All those mentions of Gwyneth Paltrow giving birth to Moses and no 'parting the waves' or 'burning bush' jokes. We rock! 

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Actress Paltrow gives birth to son Moses – Reuters

[story by Stuart Heritage]